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Birthday and V Day

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Ivyivy posted 2/13/2014 08:35 AM

Tomorrow is my WH's 50th birthday and Valentine's Day. I have been dreading this day for weeks. I go back and forth between just disappearing for the day (staying at work late) and letting him spend it with the kids or trying to behave more normal.

We are 7 months post dDay and pretty much I am in limbo (no idea what I want to do but have been leaning toward D. When I found out about the affair, he begged to R, claims NC and has been going to IC and we have tried MC. However, I still have not really gotten any answers that I asked for nor has he done things that I have asked him to do. We had a blow up a few weeks ago in MC and I have not gone back.

That is where I am and if V Day on its own were not enough to handle...

byefornow posted 2/13/2014 08:43 AM

I am right there with you. My WH bday & valentines day is tomorrow. I have cried all day. I don't know what I am doing. Last year he was with her the day before and with me on valentines/his birthday. I am sick over this, like I want to puke. I don't know how to erase the thoughts or memories and get through these days or weekend.

Please know I syathise with you 100 percent. Wish this was easier.

roses303 posted 2/13/2014 10:15 AM

Today is our 15 yr anniversary and tomorrow is valentines. I'm right with you in the pain. I just need to make it to Saturday with out breaking down too much. I don't want the kids to see me a mess.

Razor posted 2/13/2014 10:26 AM

V day. Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Wedding anniversarys. All are really hard to get thru.

I always feel uncertain and confused about what to say and do. There are certain expectations about professing love and all that. All of which seem really false to me.

I avoid as much as possible. And lie when necessary just to get thru the day.

norabird posted 2/13/2014 10:32 AM

Can you spend the day/night tomorrow doing something just for you? Going to the spa, seeing girlfriends.

Also, have you seen a lawyer to figure out your D options? Just curious. It is hard when you hear words asking for R, and then don't see the actions to follow, which sounds like your situation.

At the very least hope you eat some nice chocolate tomorrow.

Ivyivy posted 2/13/2014 10:52 AM

Thanks to everyone for the replies. The support is much appreciated.

Norabird - I did see a lawyer shortly after finding out - so I do know what my options are as far as D goes. Overall, thankfully, since I Have always worked, I know that I will be ok financially. We will have plenty to fight over (the kids) but at worst would end up with some type of joint custody agreement. I am just stuck in limbo for now.

The downside for me of staying away tomorrow is I miss V day with kids (which I guess in the grand scheme of things is no big deal) and alert them to how bad things are going with me and their dad (if I disappear for his birthday).

They have seen plenty of fights post dDay (unfortunately) and are old enough to understand what is going on. Lately though, we have just coexisted without fighting in front of them. I really do not want to add to their stress.

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