Thanks to everyone for the replies. The support is much appreciated.
Norabird - I did see a lawyer shortly after finding out - so I do know what my options are as far as D goes. Overall, thankfully, since I Have always worked, I know that I will be ok financially. We will have plenty to fight over (the kids) but at worst would end up with some type of joint custody agreement. I am just stuck in limbo for now.
The downside for me of staying away tomorrow is I miss V day with kids (which I guess in the grand scheme of things is no big deal) and alert them to how bad things are going with me and their dad (if I disappear for his birthday).
They have seen plenty of fights post dDay (unfortunately) and are old enough to understand what is going on. Lately though, we have just coexisted without fighting in front of them. I really do not want to add to their stress.