I thought through all our problems cheating wouldn't be one of them.
I hear you, we also have a lot of problems, with our special needs kid and everything. But nothing, nothing justifies an A.
I was inconsolable for a little while after I moved out. But not seeing WW and having a space for healing has really helped. Anger, confusion, hurt - they're all still there, but they now fuel me to be a better person:
Anger - I work out a lot more.
Confusion - I read and try to understand my kids, myself, and the divorce process. I read about WW's possible conditions but I no longer obsess over it - I do it mostly to be able to predict her reactions nowadays.
Hurt - I talk to family and friends. I have found new and old friends I can rely on - including you all here in SI. it doesn't make the hurt itself any less (though time seems to), but I do feel better after I vent.
Please do strict NC. Don't answer the phone to him. When you get a voice mail with mixed sentimental crap and kid stuff, transcribe it to email, removing all the sentimental stuff and keeping the logistics, and send him a response. That has helped me tremendously because I can refer back to it without hearing her voice.