So why do I still feel like it has been too easy, how can I tell if he is sincere or just saying and doing what I want. How do I know if I am being manipulated? How can I trust any of my feelings? I don't know what to do, he wants quick easy answers, and I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is it even possible that he has seen the error of his ways and is truly changing or just trying to save a costly divorce?
I still feel crazy, but I do enjoy him being so here for me and seemingly so remorseful. He cries all the time and tells me over and over how sorry he is not only for the A, that was with my friend, but also for how he has treated me for years and just needs the chance to make it up to me.
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
And if the facade does break, if this is temporary or an act, at least you know you're leaving a M with someone who can't be a true partner. Selfish and unsupportive? It'll be a (relatively) easy 'next' if he backslides.
Hang in there.
The only backsliding so far is slipping back twice to his old jealous ways. I stop him real quick which I never did before. He said about the jealousy issue that he struggles with it because he never thought he would get so down on himself that he had an affair, so now he is scared that I will do it for spite, or that he has destroyed my self esteem so bad that I could do it. So he said he was a jerk when he really never had a reason to worry, but will try very hard to keep things in check now that the possibility haunts him. To me that sounds like a guilty conscience and he should have one.
Neither of us are in counseling yet, no insurance, slows time at work, but he agrees that if I decide we need it we will find a way. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on and having very intimate raw discussions with him about what I learn, we have never communicated and connected the way we do now. I still feel like I can't trust it though, I guess time will tell.
Projection, I never really thought of it that way but that is exactly what it is. Good topic to bring up with him in one of our conversations. You guys have given me a lot of things to talk to him about, thank you so much.
I don't know how long the projected jealousy will last, but I will not put up with it. In a way it is me being punished for his decisions and I will not allow that. When he slips that is exactly what I tell him.
That's what I've been doing as well now. I point out he's thinking that way because of his behavior not mine. Before I would reassure him and even do stuff like take pictures to prove I was stuck in traffic. Now I cut it off and get irritated. He's doing it less and less but still has thoughts. Very frustrating because like you said is punishment for what he's done.
[This message edited by Breezy150 at 2:07 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]
ETA: I can make a thread in reconciling if you like.
[This message edited by cl131716 at 2:42 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]