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Newest Member: beaker98 (61489)

User Topic: Deal Breaker or Deal Saver
♂ 40531
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick thought on the term, ďdeal-breakerĒ. Almost every wayward and most betrayeds use the term deal-breaker for the betrayed persons decision to file for divorce, reconcile, live in limbo, try counseling, etc.
Iím having a bit of a change of religion on this term. The deal was broken the minute my spouse entered into an affair. I had nothing to do with breaking or not breaking any deal. The marriage was gone, as far as Iím concerned, from the minute I found out. My decision wasnít whether I WAS GOING to break the deal, the decision was whether I was willing to be a part of repairing the damage she caused. The marriage was DOA. I was simply deciding whether I was willing to slap the paddles on our collective chests, or whether I was going to let that corpse be dead.
She chose to break the deal. I did not. I never would have faced that decision if it werenít for her actions. The term should be deal-saver, not deal-breaker. The betrayed either save the deal or they move forward. We didnít break anything, the wayward did.

I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013

Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
♀ 38173
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the way that sounds!

"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are wise, so very wise. I love it! You truly pulled a perfect description together for that. Showing it to my WS.

Me FBS around 40
Him FWS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Insert clapping hands here! Great perspective and GREAT way to turn an old saying on it's head to reflect the truth!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10056 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see your point. I guess I always looked at it as the action (the A) was a dealbreaker or not a dealbreaker depending upon the BS perspective. In other words it was up to us to decide. We could not control our WS actions but we do control how we respond. It is empowering to consider your judgment is the one that says yea/nay on whether it is a dealbreaker.

Posts: 4634 | Registered: May 2012
♀ 41404
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see what you're saying, but I look at it this way.

The marriage is the "deal." It's not broken yet, because we are trying to reconcile. However, the M will be broken if my WH does certain things (like continues the A), or does not do certain things (like breaking NC, not being transparent, etc.)

That's why I call them "deal breakers."

BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 139 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
Topic Posts: 6

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