Topic: Did you ever suspect...they could be capable of cheating??
Member # 38495
| Posted: 5:18 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
If someone asked me that question ten years ago if my husband would ever cheat on me...I would have bet big money that he'd never-ever go there!!
He always told me how much he loved me and how gorgeous he thought I was and how lucky he was to have me and our kids! He was the "model" husband and the involved "family man!"
What he turned out to be is one evil sociopathic skirt chaser who'll do anything and everything to stroke his ego!! I have no idea who this person really is!! And he's also a pathological liar!! I never saw this coming!! I truly didn't!! I look like a supermodel compared to some of these women!! I always tried my best to look good- I'm 5'9 and 118lbs. His last woman that I know of...was 5'4 and a hefty 200lbs. I kid you not! I realized then it has nothing to do with looks...it's all about the admiration that he feels with these women no one else wants! Blah- it makes me sick!!
Meanwhile- working on my ducks!! Has anyone else been completely blindsided? I have to add my wh is completely self conscious about his body! He has a gut and is very hairy not to mention he has "size" issues- never thought he'd go there!!!! Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!
[This message edited by mj052 at 5:20 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]
Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!
Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
Member # 41150
| Posted: 5:34 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I was blindsided.
or maybe I was simply blind.
Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.
Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 28156
| Posted: 5:36 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I was split on that. I was afraid he would due to so much career travel, and drinks after work. That was big fear....on the other hand, I really wanted to believe he wouldnt do that. H Came from a stable traditonal family... I kept my eyes open. I did my best and kept hoping. I am so disappointed.. And more so, with his actions now. Im still trying to figure us both out.
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 3010 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 40379
| Posted: 5:41 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Me 46 (BS) Him 54 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
His addiction is more important than me...and him. Divorcing.
Posts: 382 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Member # 25001
| Posted: 5:43 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Not in a million years. Even the way he treated me before all this was completely different. He treated me like a princess. Now I feel like I'm living with a monster
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
Posts: 6121 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 30024
| Posted: 5:47 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Yes, but I didn't think he would, if that makes any sense.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 13385 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 33523
| Posted: 5:55 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
No, b/c I bought into his whole line of "I'm a good guy" bull. I knew he did days b4 the wedding, and I gas lighted myself & convinced myself that it didn't happen.
Apparently, I've been foggy since I met the man.
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be
Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City
Member # 40694
| Posted: 5:56 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I was completely blindsided.Never,in a million years would I have thought my H would do such thing.
Posts: 126 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 42356
| Posted: 5:59 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I honestly truly believed that he would NEVER cheat on me.... In fact, I don't think I mentioned this before, but when he first told me that he had slept with someone else I ALMOST started laughing but seeing the look in his eyes I knew he wasn't joking....
Not that he would say a joke like that, but for the simple reason that I would never have thought he would that was my very first response.
"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"
Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 13333
| Posted: 6:04 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Nope. Not my H. Against everything he stands for. Oh and he works sooooooo much, my poor H never had TIME to cheat.
Ya well, let's just say he wasn't as overworked as he had be believe.
But ya know what, that isn't a negative about us BS's. I was angry at myself for a long time for being so stupid. The signs were all there, but it was so far off my spectrum of who I believed him to be.
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
Posts: 8474 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Member # 42431
| Posted: 6:14 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Not at all. His wife cheated on him and he was humiliated and almost had a nervous breakdown. I thought that would keep him from ever doing that to me because he knew the damage it caused. I was wrong. Very wrong. It makes it worse for me because he knew what it would do to me and he did it anyway. That is beyond cruel.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Despair
Member # 35924
| Posted: 6:38 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
She had my total and absolute trust in this area. I was completely blindsided.
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable
Posts: 426 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Member # 33867
| Posted: 6:41 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Honestly, I thought he was too unattractive, who would want him?
My iC informed me that she had seen less attractive WS on her couch.
Did I think he was capable of it? Yes, given his dishonest nature. Fortunatley, he has been working to change that and become a man of character.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:16 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]
ME: 57 BS
HIM: 64 WH
Married: 32 years
in R 6 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2441 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 39682
| Posted: 6:42 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I was blindsided.
or maybe I was simply blind.
I second this.
Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R
Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 30817
| Posted: 6:45 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 26970
| Posted: 6:53 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
..just tossing this out there..
..could his rationale have been that he always thought he didn't deserve such a beautiful woman such as you ?? ..that his own self-image was one that thought he would have been better suited to someone far less statuesque and far less beautiful than you??
..you were the Ferrari in his driveway, but he was afraid to drive it... he felt more suited to an old 'beater' of a rusty old broken down Volkswagon.. aka the OW..
..he never thought he was worthy of such a supermodel.. couldn't measure up to the man that he thought you should have married.. a Brad Pitt or a George Clooney..
..the male ego can run amok sometimes and his sounds like it was really in the muck..
..he could look good, but only in the mind of far less of a woman than you. You were a "10".. he was a "6" and so he went looking for a "3"
..just an idea.. I could be way off the mark with this post.. but that's my guess.
[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:20 PM, February 14th (Friday)]
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 45 yrs (together 49)
18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer.
. died from a brain tumor@57
Posts: 4965 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Ontario Canada
Member # 33581
| Posted: 7:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I've known him since we were 14. I would have bet my life he would NEVER do this to me.
I used to tell people he was the BEST person I'd ever known. I don't say that anymore.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
Posts: 1968 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 42270
| Posted: 7:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I could have written your post. I'm in the exact same boat... Totally blindsided. NEVER would have thought he was capable of being a lying, cheating bastard.
WH is also super self-conscious. I even thought he was unattractive in the beginning - because he is the same: overweight, hairy, etc. I was on the fence about even wanting to date, but he was such a sweet guy, who acted totally different than any other guy I dated. I thought he was different. I thought 'here's a guy who would not cheat on me' - I really truly did!! It was a HUGE factor in dating/marrying him!!! Boy was I wrong, indeed.
Sadly, he too turned out to be a sociopathic skirt chaser and a pathological liar who will say anything to get laid, to give himself some kind of ego stroke and sense of self worth. And the OW, also varied - it almost seems like he doesn't have a 'type', he doesn't care what they look like; fat, skinny, big or small breasts - whatever.
Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 36146
| Posted: 7:17 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
I know this is bad, but I always thought my H was too stupid to be able to cover it up therefore he would never do it. Turns out he was pretty darn good at covering up. I had one singular extremely subtle red flag that could have easily gone unnoticed. Like I said, my bad.
Posts: 319 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38141
| Posted: 7:19 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
No. It never occurred to me that he would cheat.
Have you ever heard the saying that there is always one spouse that loves more? I had had friends tell me that wh was the one that loved more. He would be the one to fall apart if I died, etc.
Right up until chickie came along.
ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Posts: 689 | Registered: Jan 2013
|Topic Posts: 91|