I keep thinking no one will want me. A divorced 35 year old with two little boys. Why am I so scared. Please help me understand.
I went through this already. I'm 57. I figured that my life as someone's partner was over.
Who'd want an old man whose wife screwed around on him?
Truth is, several ladies... nice ladies, have shown interest already.
This could turn out to be another adventure!
Don't keep drinking poison just because you're not sure the wine will be sweet.
I had the same thoughts. I'm 50. I certainly didn't want to start over again at 49 when it all went down. I knew I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Well I dated a few women and have been dating GF for a year now and we are growing stronger together. Take the steps you need to do what you know in your heart is right. You can get through this and it does get better. None of us know what the future has in store for us. You just have to keep pushing through to get there.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
So don't be scared. Just on the little bit you wrote you would already have made it through my OLD screen. Good luck to you.
I've been with my wh for 33 years- since I was 17 and he used to be my very best friend!! Now- he's my worst enemy but only pretends to want us!! And I'm scared to be on my own- but I'm more frightened to live with someone who has no problem betraying me and dis-respecting me!! So- my choice is obvious and so is yours!!
You deserve so much better!! And one day one lucky man will make you so incredibly happy- you'll forget the scumbag's name!!
Sending you strength- hugs and prayers!!!
Yes, it would be cool if I could eventually find a guy who has similar situation...
Deal with what's on your plate now. You have an abusive, alcoholic husband. You're repeating the cycle of abuse year after year, modeling dysfunction for your sons. They are gonna grow up to be just like their dad because that's all they know and you are showing them that it's okay to treat women that way. Deal with THAT. What are you going to do about THAT?
And, for the record, I'm thinking about dating in the future, Lord knows not now!!!! That wouldn't be healthy. I'm just stating my fears, that's all.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 6:19 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]
Thanks guys. I just keep thinking who the heck's gonna want to take boys that aren't biologically theirs to the park, and dinner and birthday parties.
Liberty, let me share a story with you. My mom and dad divorced in 2000 after 30 years of marriage due to my father's multiple infidelities, among other things. My mom was 50 when this happened. And was convinced she'd be alone the rest of her life.
Fourteen years later, she's been happily remarried since 2002 to our stepdad, an AMAZING man we lovingly call "Poppy". My sister and I were grown and out on our own and having kids of our own when mom and dad split. When Mom met Poppy, that man inherited us all - two grown daughters and two grandbabies at that time under the age of two. And he, having never been around kids before, dived right in, changing subsequent grandbabies' diapers and playing with and feeding them, and being just an absolute rock for my sister and I, like he'd been doing it for years. And anytime someone asks him about his family he proudly says "I have two daughters and four amazing grandchildren". The word "step" never even occurs to him.
[This message edited by PhoenixRising88 at 6:48 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]
Divorce final 2/10/14.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
Being aloe forever is nowhere near as scary as being cheated on and emotionally abuse for even a few more years.
I'm the same as kg, I won't date someone without kids because I don't want any more and I also need someone who has a big life, as I have a big life.
I won't be ready to date for quite a while yet. Because I'm still healing, because I'm still mourning, because my girls are still so little and because I need time to work out who I am and what I want before I can invite someone into my world.
My mother remarried my stepfather, when I was 10, but he'd been in our lives since I was 7. He knew he was getting an instant family, and he didn't care. He loved us.
There are men like that out there. You will find one when you're really ready.
I kicked him out last night with my army backing me up
Hallelujah! I'm sorry you are here. But I'm proud of you for taking action and standing up for yourself.
You are going to make it. Fear is normal, just don't let it paralyze you! There are much worse things than fear to fear!!!!!!
I agree with you. Stepping out alone on a new path has provided me with the most sustained fear I've ever felt.
Just to reiterate what other people said: I've learned and now know dating is totally out of the question for me right now, and generally not even in my mind. But like you, I hope one day down the road to date again, and it does add to my fears of the future.
Let me just say that I am 33 with no children. Considering that I really need a couple years to heal and work on myself before I even think about seriously partnering, I am facing the idea that I may not be able to have kids of my own. I truly would love to one day meet a man who already has kids, and be given the privilege of having them be a part of my family. I believe this is a non-issue for you, even though the fear feels so real.
Focus on you and your healing! We're here for you.