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But he doesn't call in between EOW.
He doesn't excercise midweek visitation.
He doesn't ask to get involved with school things.
He doesn't go to the doctor's or dentist's.
He doesn't show up to the Christmas program...
...or the soccer camp...
...or the art camp...

Talk about a mixed message that will make a 5 year old's head explode.

It's okay Teslet - I know how you feel because he told mom the same thing.

((((teslet))))

Ugh. I hate all of these part-time, thoughtless, selfish cheater parents so much!

They just spew these little soundbytes to our kids that make them sound like they are loving and caring when all they know how to do is mirror those qualities.

How did Teslet feel about that? Did he have an opinion?

(((tesla and teslet)))

IN JAIL?? Why would he want that kid to live with him in jail?

That's where he's going. Asshole.

I could tell when he said it that he was having a hard time. Whether it is because he would like to live with dad forever or he would not like to live with dad forever or he is putting together the diochotomy of what dad says vs. what dad does...I don't know.
I didn't pursue it this time because at the moment I don't trust that I won't try to throw his dad under the bus. (Must be kraken-mentality )

But you know what he did mention the night before? Forgot about it till just now...He said last night that we should let dad play a certain game that Teslet and I play because "dad loves you mom." I'm pretty sure I snorted reflexively and asked, "Really? What makes you say that?" He didn't give a reason was just adament that dad liked and loved me.

Poor kid. His dad's behavior is mind-boggling for an adult to process...

This makes me want to cry whilst I'm pummeling asshat's head with a blunt object.

DD6 told me recently that her dad says he still loves me and that he was very happy in the old house and misses it.

Piece of shit doesn't care about damage to my girls just as long as he gets to have a go at sticking his blunt blade into me. It does hurt - not as an ExW but as a mother. I wonder how he thinks it's even remotely worth it.

You did good mamma. It's not enough for formal alienation but I'd consider giving it a crack if it continues.

He won't always be so easy to bullshit, asshat - and when he does realise what you're doing he'll be hurt and angry. You'll lose him.

FTG. DIAF.

POS. Talk is cheap. I'm am sooooo damn sorry that he is so f'ing worthless.
(((tesla and teslet)))

Because if he lived with exshat then exshat wouldn't have to pay child support.

These men are so transparent.

Because if he lived with exshat then exshat wouldn't have to pay child support.
These men are so transparent.

And that there is the truth!

and
I'm speechless.
I'm sorry teslet had to hear, what he knows at some level, complete and utter bullshit.
Hugs to you mama!

"dad loves you mom."

Teslet sees YOU, Teslet sees that everyone loves and likes Mom. Teslet loves and likes Mom. His mind has made a correlation or his dad is messing with a little boy's heart and mind.
IrishLad used to come home bearing "messages" like this from his Dad. It is so, so, so unbelievably wrong to use your child as a messenger in this manner. If they forget the message or say it wrong and Mom and Dad don't get back together, well you just shot the messenger before he even knocked on the door. If Teslet says it again, ask him "where he heard that?" The phrasing of the clarifying questions can mean everything.

Oh my gosh, this makes me furious!!!! The pain and abuse they have inflicted on us just isn't enough for them, is it? They have to do it to our precious children, too.

My STBXWH uses my 15 year old son to try and manipulate me in certain situations; to get me to agree to something we can't afford, for example. It has worked so many times in the past, because if I say no, I would have to hurt my son by telling him what his dad is actually doing. So I have always given in to protect my son, and avoid the inevitable blow up from my WH. Tonight I got put in that position again, and I very gently explained to my son that his dad is being deceitful and unfair to him, I am very sorry that he is being put in this situation, but that I want to be honest with him about why he can't buy what his dad is telling him he can buy. It broke my heart to tell him. He doesn't deserve to be used like that. But, he's at an age where I will have to start gently explaining more of this messed up situation to him.

Sorry tesla, didn't mean to hijack your thread! When I read that about Teslet, it really, really struck a nerve with me tonight. Poor little buddy ((((Teslet and Tesla)))).

[This message edited by GingerAle at 11:11 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]

Empty words from an empty person (if he did say that to Teslet)

(((Teslet and Tesla)))

I agree he thinks if he has Teslet full time he won't have to pay support

Also saying it makes him look
better to Teslet

Teslet think you are the bomb and would never comprehend his Dads motive

Teslet will learn you are the real deal. It is sweet he thinks Dad loves you. In Teslets mind you are wonderful so what's not to love

I hate he has to endure this shit. Just an innocent child

I feel so bad for Teslet he has so much growing up still to do. Thank god he has you Tesla to help him navigate this.

Tesla,

Talk to his therapist about helping teslet see the difference between words and actions. He's going to need those lessons eventually, might as well as start now!

Yes it sucks, because Teslet is such a smart kid, you don't want him to get sucked into dad's game of believing his words over what actions he shows Teslet. Teslet deserves to matter to his dad, we know this. Dad giving lip service to his child is one thing...putting actions behind the lip service is beyond him.

I wish I could have nipped my kids believing his words over everything he didn't do (that he said he was going to do but didn't for whatever reason) earlier, I wonder if it would have less devastating affects on my girls? This thought bothers me... a lot.

I hope you can find a way to spare Teslet.

Hugs,
K

ugh, this just bothers me so much. STBX has only texted his kids about their allowance and if it would be ok to attend the play they were in. My youngest said yes, just stay away from Mom. He did, and he stayed away from them. Came in after the house lights went down and left as soon as the curtain closed. Didn't even try to talk to them, not even to say 'Great show, love you, gotta go.' coward ... sorry for the t/j

I have so much empathy for Teslet .. he's much younger than my girls, it has to be so hard for him to process the bull.