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Dreaded V-Day is here

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stronger08 posted 2/14/2014 03:29 AM

Well my friends its that day of the year we all celebrate LOVE. For those of you who have steady relationships I hope you have a great day with your SO's. For those who do not, Don't fret it or think there is anything wrong with being alone. Its all part of the process and when you are ready it will come. Make peace with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin before jumping in. Then there are those like me. Caught in the middle of something that's between being single and having a partner. To be honest I don't know what to call what it is that I have. I refer to her as my lady friend. Full time friends, part time lovers, a state of limbo that's hard to label.

There is no pressure or expectations from either of us. Sort of an understanding that things are what they are. Lady friend has some of her own issues that she is sorting through in therapy. FOO, an abusive XH and her last relationship which produced a child and was long term. That guy while not physically abusive was a user. At my urging she started seeing an IC about 6 months ago and she is slowly learning that she has worth in life. That's about the gist of it. So my dilemma is this: Do I get this woman a V-day gift ? She does not eat chocolates and hates the idea of flowers. I could get her a token gift of my affection but don't want to overstep things here. Everything for V-day is all ILY and alike. So that's not gonna work. To be honest things on the romance front have cooled off dramatically over the last month or so. I've been spending a lot of time away from her area and we haven't spoke much on the phone either. But last night we spoke and she said she missed me as I did also. So made plans to see each other this weekend. Weather permitting most likely tonight.

So what do you get for a kinda, sorta, sometimes GF, fulltime friend ? I would take the relationship to the next level but she has things to sort out first. I really don't want to push the issue till I'm sure the time is right. And right now the time is just not right. Perhaps it never will be. As was said we have an understanding that was talked about in length and if something else comes along, the only expectation was to be honest with each other prior to any intimacy with a 3rd party. And I'm OK with that. So it brings me back to today. WTF do you get a woman that you find yourself in a relationship with of this type ? You would think at my age this type of stuff would be routine and easy. But its just as confusing as it was 35 years ago. Perhaps more so....

Williesmom posted 2/14/2014 05:54 AM

Perhaps a gift card for a manicure, massage, facial, etc??

I love to do something for myself. Just for me.

What does she like? Reading?coffee shops? Zip lining?

Whatever it is, something along those lines will show her that you are paying attention and that you value her.

Good luck, and I think it's great that you care enough to ask and do something.

cayc posted 2/14/2014 06:30 AM

On another forum I participate in, a woman asked this question of a bunch of men and so many replied "for you to say you want nothing for Valentine's Day and *mean* it" lol.

Valentine's is about love, but not just romantic love. It can be just a day to say "you are important to me". A nice dinner, good conversation and maybe a card with a note from you expressing those sentiments of how she matters to you.

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