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I'll take a polished spine with that, thank you.

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nekorb posted 2/14/2014 07:12 AM

So…last night Wh and I had another one of those conversations where I had to set boundaries.

NO - you will not be leaving the elliptical here and coming over to exercise.

NO - you will not be having your visitation times with the kids at MY residence

NO - you will not be coming over to do yardwork or anything else at MY residence


Then he went to the, "Well, its YOUR CHOICE that it has to be this way.

Nekorb: You are causing me more pain than I've ever had in my entire life. Why would i want to spend time with you? Im in love with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be around you

WH: I hope that changes some day. I thought we could be friends.

Nekorb. My friends don't treat me like this. My friends don't cheat on me. My friends don't lie to me.

((WH visibly angered))

WH: So that's how it is?

Nekorb: Yes.

WH: Well, thats your choice then.

Nekorb: I'm not the one that chose to leave the relationship

WH: I don't have a choice. I have to leave.

Nekorb: No you don't, you are choosing to.

WH: You don't know how I feel.


Then we had to be somewhere…this convo took place in a restaurant.

I was channeling y'all and trying to remember all the advice you've given me!

Whew. I felt like I had run a marathon after that and in reality it was only about a 10-15 minute conversation.

Although prior to that we were talking about things like what he furniture he is going to take - he doesn't want hardly anything… I asked him where he expected the kids to spend time with him if he has no furniture, he doesnt want to rent, wants to buy a house, but says "I wont have room for the kids in the beginning". I asked him where exactly he was moving to if he doesn't want to rent and doesn't think he will have room for the kids to visit. He didn't answer.

What the flying monkeys??

simplydevastated posted 2/14/2014 07:22 AM

Wow. Issues. He has lots of them.

(((Hugs)))

karmahappens posted 2/14/2014 07:23 AM

I know it's difficult.

I would stop saying things like this

You are causing me more pain than I've ever had in my entire life. Why would i want to spend time with you? Im in love with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be around you

Each time you do it's like breaking off a piece of yourself and tossing it to him.

He knows you love him.

Keep the talk to kids and finances.

Preferably yes/no answers.

He is trying to wear you down with all the constant nneding to readdress boundaries. He knows the rules, just keep swimming.

(((hugs)))

StillGoing posted 2/14/2014 07:31 AM

Polished spines:


RIDE OVER HIM TO VICTORY

norabird posted 2/14/2014 07:40 AM

"You don't know how I feel"?

No, I guess you wouldn't know the feeling of being an entitled, abusive, selfish jerk with the emotional capacity of a whiny sixteen year-old...

Shockleader posted 2/14/2014 07:56 AM

Flashback time... I got the "choices" bullshit all the time from my remorseless POS... They are completely fucking delusional, snively, spineless cowards!

Way to stand up to to that jackass!... And well said about it feeling like running a marathon!

nekorb posted 2/14/2014 12:03 PM

Thanks for the support.

I really don't understand his thought process.

I am NOT being unreasonable, right? These are all normal things that happen when someone leaves a marriage?

headdesk posted 2/14/2014 12:25 PM

You are being reasonable beyond belief.

Jrazz posted 2/14/2014 12:33 PM

You are NOT being unreasonable. You are handling this very well.

(((nekorb)))

gettherefromhere posted 2/14/2014 12:43 PM

He made the choice. You are showing him the consequences.

Nature_Girl posted 2/14/2014 13:09 PM

No, you are not being unreasonable. Further, please don't feel bad that you need to ask. It is normal for abuse survivors to need validation & question their perceptions. Don't worry, as time goes by you will gain strength & confidence.

I think you did great!

I remember when I had some New Nature Girl conversations with my ex. At the time we were still in Limbo, I was offering R but he was not doing anything to make it happen. One day in the middle of a fight, a fight in which I was NOT backing down, a look crossed his face and he said he didn't know who I was anymore. That counseling had ruined me, I was not the same. I told him he was right. I wasn't the same. I was better. Then I spun on my heels and walked away from him

You're getting better, too!

Getting to Happy posted 2/14/2014 13:18 PM

I am NOT being unreasonable, right? These are all normal things that happen when someone leaves a marriage?

No, not in the least. And unfortunately, yes separation and divorce is ugly. Perhaps if you can keep the convos strickly about kids and finances, he will catch your drift...?

He fired you from being a willing and compliant partner.

Gently now, your heart needs to catch up with your head...Indifference is the key.

I know it must be heart breaking to have these convos with him. Politely discussing who gets what furniture and the division of time with your kids must be making your head spin.

Maturity, being rational, truthfulness...these are qualities your WH is clearly missing. I am so sorry.

Hold your head high and continue to polish that spine!!! Kudos!

(((Hugs))) and strength to you and your kids as you slog through your next weeks and months getting used to your 'new normal'

And remember, like another posters tag line states, try not to make sense his convos, your not the JackAss Whisperer!

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