Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Maggie1000 (45722)

User Topic: I'll take a polished spine with that, thank you.
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So…last night Wh and I had another one of those conversations where I had to set boundaries.

NO - you will not be leaving the elliptical here and coming over to exercise.

NO - you will not be having your visitation times with the kids at MY residence

NO - you will not be coming over to do yardwork or anything else at MY residence


Then he went to the, "Well, its YOUR CHOICE that it has to be this way.

Nekorb: You are causing me more pain than I've ever had in my entire life. Why would i want to spend time with you? Im in love with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be around you

WH: I hope that changes some day. I thought we could be friends.

Nekorb. My friends don't treat me like this. My friends don't cheat on me. My friends don't lie to me.

((WH visibly angered))

WH: So that's how it is?

Nekorb: Yes.

WH: Well, thats your choice then.

Nekorb: I'm not the one that chose to leave the relationship

WH: I don't have a choice. I have to leave.

Nekorb: No you don't, you are choosing to.

WH: You don't know how I feel.


Then we had to be somewhere…this convo took place in a restaurant.

I was channeling y'all and trying to remember all the advice you've given me!

Whew. I felt like I had run a marathon after that and in reality it was only about a 10-15 minute conversation.

Although prior to that we were talking about things like what he furniture he is going to take - he doesn't want hardly anything… I asked him where he expected the kids to spend time with him if he has no furniture, he doesnt want to rent, wants to buy a house, but says "I wont have room for the kids in the beginning". I asked him where exactly he was moving to if he doesn't want to rent and doesn't think he will have room for the kids to visit. He didn't answer.

What the flying monkeys??


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Issues. He has lots of them.

(((Hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's difficult.

I would stop saying things like this

You are causing me more pain than I've ever had in my entire life. Why would i want to spend time with you? Im in love with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be around you

Each time you do it's like breaking off a piece of yourself and tossing it to him.

He knows you love him.

Keep the talk to kids and finances.

Preferably yes/no answers.

He is trying to wear you down with all the constant nneding to readdress boundaries. He knows the rules, just keep swimming.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Polished spines:


RIDE OVER HIM TO VICTORY


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7565 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You don't know how I feel"?

No, I guess you wouldn't know the feeling of being an entitled, abusive, selfish jerk with the emotional capacity of a whiny sixteen year-old...


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Shockleader
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flashback time... I got the "choices" bullshit all the time from my remorseless POS... They are completely fucking delusional, snively, spineless cowards!

Way to stand up to to that jackass!... And well said about it feeling like running a marathon!


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support.

I really don't understand his thought process.

I am NOT being unreasonable, right? These are all normal things that happen when someone leaves a marriage?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
headdesk
♀ 40787
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are being reasonable beyond belief.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are NOT being unreasonable. You are handling this very well.

(((nekorb)))


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18292 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
gettherefromhere
♀ 22932
Member # 22932
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He made the choice. You are showing him the consequences.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Feb 2009
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you are not being unreasonable. Further, please don't feel bad that you need to ask. It is normal for abuse survivors to need validation & question their perceptions. Don't worry, as time goes by you will gain strength & confidence.

I think you did great!

I remember when I had some New Nature Girl conversations with my ex. At the time we were still in Limbo, I was offering R but he was not doing anything to make it happen. One day in the middle of a fight, a fight in which I was NOT backing down, a look crossed his face and he said he didn't know who I was anymore. That counseling had ruined me, I was not the same. I told him he was right. I wasn't the same. I was better. Then I spun on my heels and walked away from him

You're getting better, too!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Getting to Happy
♀ 35200
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am NOT being unreasonable, right? These are all normal things that happen when someone leaves a marriage?

No, not in the least. And unfortunately, yes separation and divorce is ugly. Perhaps if you can keep the convos strickly about kids and finances, he will catch your drift...?

He fired you from being a willing and compliant partner.

Gently now, your heart needs to catch up with your head...Indifference is the key.

I know it must be heart breaking to have these convos with him. Politely discussing who gets what furniture and the division of time with your kids must be making your head spin.

Maturity, being rational, truthfulness...these are qualities your WH is clearly missing. I am so sorry.

Hold your head high and continue to polish that spine!!! Kudos!

(((Hugs))) and strength to you and your kids as you slog through your next weeks and months getting used to your 'new normal'

And remember, like another posters tag line states, try not to make sense his convos, your not the JackAss Whisperer!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1144 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.