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Newest Member: Mitzia (61559)

User Topic: When it becomes
♀ 35787
Member # 35787
DOH!  Posted: 8:23 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When it becomes a bit clearer, and time and passed. When there are no more red flags, and things die down. When there is open communication, smiles, and the ability to see a future... How does a person stop or move past the urges to keep spying, and how does a person get past the feelings that another show will drop because they are used to the drama of the past?

It was a long, difficult road to get here. There were hard lessons learned (and still being learned). I had to acknowledge that I was a *Mom* and had forgotten who I was separate from that. I had lost myself. I have found a renewed zest to try things and find who the "real me" is. And I am, and have been on this path for a while now. But I can not get past this feeling that another show is going to drop. That there is something lurking in the dark getting ready to rear it's head. I am convinced that it's a "me" thing. There are no red flags being thrown around. There are no hidden texts. There are no more visits to websites that WH should not be at. There are, simply put, no reasons that are rational to feel this way any longer.

I know that I will always be looking, waiting in a way. I know that I will never trust the way I did when I was young and foolish. But How does one truly move on, and accept that things are truly better?

Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 205 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


For me, it was honestly a year or more from the time real R started.

There is a saying here, that I often argue, and that is "trust but verify", and I counter that with "Verify, verify verify, and slowly, very slowly trust will come back" I found that snooping spying, searching, and provided me with reassurance that yes it's real, the changes are real, everytime I looked, and found nothing, I felt a tiny bit more reassured. Eventually, I was strong enough to know that he was changed, and even if he backtracked, or fell again, I didn't need to snoop, because I would know. I also know now that should that happen, I will walk away with my head high, and be completely and totally happy as I am.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13298 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 2

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