It was a long, difficult road to get here. There were hard lessons learned (and still being learned). I had to acknowledge that I was a *Mom* and had forgotten who I was separate from that. I had lost myself. I have found a renewed zest to try things and find who the "real me" is. And I am, and have been on this path for a while now. But I can not get past this feeling that another show is going to drop. That there is something lurking in the dark getting ready to rear it's head. I am convinced that it's a "me" thing. There are no red flags being thrown around. There are no hidden texts. There are no more visits to websites that WH should not be at. There are, simply put, no reasons that are rational to feel this way any longer.
I know that I will always be looking, waiting in a way. I know that I will never trust the way I did when I was young and foolish. But How does one truly move on, and accept that things are truly better?
For me, it was honestly a year or more from the time real R started.
There is a saying here, that I often argue, and that is "trust but verify", and I counter that with "Verify, verify verify, and slowly, very slowly trust will come back" I found that snooping spying, searching, and provided me with reassurance that yes it's real, the changes are real, everytime I looked, and found nothing, I felt a tiny bit more reassured. Eventually, I was strong enough to know that he was changed, and even if he backtracked, or fell again, I didn't need to snoop, because I would know. I also know now that should that happen, I will walk away with my head high, and be completely and totally happy as I am.
((((and strength))))
