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Midas posted 2/14/2014 10:07 AM

My STBXWW and I are in-home separated while she finds an apartment that she can afford, which isn't as easy as she had hoped. (lol, i guess real life isn't quite like fantasy)

This morning after she takes our DD to school she comes home and accuses me of stealing thirty dollars from her wallet. I WTF'd right back to sleep and she ran off to file her answer to my divorce petition.

She doesn't trust me, me, I've never done anything to warrant a lack of trust, projecting much!

RealityStinks posted 2/14/2014 10:14 AM

I hear you buddy!

My WW says she can't trust me, but she can't give me an example of any time that I lied to her. Because there isn't one!

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 10:14 AM, February 14th (Friday)]

Softcentre posted 2/14/2014 14:21 PM

It's projection/transference: they're untrustworthy so they assume everyone else is. So, if she thinks you've stolen from her....have you checked your finances thoroughly?

jb3199 posted 2/14/2014 14:28 PM

You understand that you can't trust her, right?

Never underestimate what a wayward mindset is capable of doing.

I think it might be a good idea for you to go over to the Divorce/Separation forum. Lots of smart people there, who are walking down the same path that you are.

ButterflyGirl posted 2/14/2014 14:33 PM

^^ Yep. When you are accused of something ridiculous, and you can't figure out where it came from, it's a safe bet to assume it's something they are guilty of themselves.

I learned that the hard way. My ex was accusing me of bribing the kids to keep secrets from him. Then I found out he had involved the kids in his affair, had them hanging out with OW and her son for over a year before I had even heard of her, and he had forced them to lie to me, fed them elaborate stories to explain where they had been, told them I would be mad if they talked about seeing her or told me where they really were, threatened them, and bribed them with toys and superheroes. So he accused me of messing with the kids' heads, when that was exactly what he had been doing.

I agree to check your finances. And pay close attention to things she accuses you of. I wouldn't spend any time defending yourself against crazy accusations when your time is better spent figuring out how she is guilty of them..

5454real posted 2/14/2014 14:39 PM

I'm with the others, it sounds an awful lot like she's projecting. I would highly suggest going over your finances with a fine tooth comb. I would probably also check both credit report if I was you. Yours and hers.

Midas posted 2/14/2014 16:07 PM

I think it might be a good idea for you to go over to the Divorce/Separation forum.

I think that is the forum that I posted this in, maybe someone moved it for me.

Midas posted 2/14/2014 16:09 PM

I've checked credit reports and our finances, she hasn't "stolen" anything, but she has used our shared funds for her affair, including gifts and drinks and dining. Most likely she withdrew the money and used it herself for continuing the affair and jumped me with the accusation to put me off of the idea.

BAB61 posted 2/14/2014 21:37 PM

This is the D/S forum, so you're not going crazy (no gaslighting here! lol)

I agree that is transference. My STBX would accuse me of squandering money, when I was buying groceries (bulk and on sale, using coupons) and clothes (at thrift stores, on sale and using coupons) for my kids. HE was the one spending money on 2 nights at a pricey resort with one of his slunts.

Don't leave your wallet where she can get it.

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