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Bother anyone else that OP is not prettier?

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AppalachianGal posted 2/14/2014 11:19 AM

I may be weird but this is driving me crazy. The only OP I have seen was the ho-worker. At the time of the event, she was at least 50 lbs heavier and ugly. I'm not a beauty queen but I get told often that I am beautiful. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but the OP had NOTHING on me. And this really bothers me. Why? Because it means that my WH can and will have sex with anything willing. I think I'd rather that she was a hottie.

I'm sure the girl from 1993 wasn't that great either. A supposed college girl at a bar. If she were that "cute" then why wasn't she out on a date? I imagine beer goggles helped with that one. Grrr.

norabird posted 2/14/2014 11:25 AM

I think this is a lose/lose situation. It would hurt plenty if she were beautiful too. That said, a lot of the things we wish for while going through this are weird, so no worries.

But there really is no factor that if changed would make things magically better. Just a different kind of awful.

Kelany posted 2/14/2014 11:27 AM

No, because it isn't about the AP's. It's about the WS and their selfish ego kibbles. The AP can be anyone.

SisterMilkshake posted 2/14/2014 11:28 AM

Naw, I am glad, actually. First, it shows me that it wasn't about the OW and what it "had". Second, it shows me what a bad place my FWH was in.

I do know what you mean, though. When I finally found a picture of the OW I had this conversation with FWH.

Me: Is this OW?
FWH: Yes, and OW doesn't look good/hasn't aged well.
Me. Oh, no. I am in trouble now.
FWH: What do you mean?
Me: Well, apparently you'll fuck anything!

GabyBaby posted 2/14/2014 11:34 AM

I'm with SisterMilkShake on this one.
Not a single one of XWH's OW were anything to look at, especially compared to me.

XWH was (and still is) a pathetic human being and the only good choice in partners he ever made was marrying me.

AppalachianGal posted 2/14/2014 11:34 AM

Exactly, Sister Milkshake! I can see myself having that very conversation with mine. That's exactly how I feel. He will screw anything and I am in serious trouble. I know if she were beautiful then it would hurt. I get that. But it would make sense and for whatever reason, I am OCD about trying to make this CRAP make sense to me. Just a horrible realization when I saw her to see what he's willing to have sex with. He left steak at home and went out for hamburger. Makes me sick.

SisterMilkshake posted 2/14/2014 11:40 AM

I am OCD about trying to make this CRAP make sense to me.
Oh, honey, please, please stop trying to make sense of this. That was probably one of the top three epiphanies I had when I finally found SI . I really felt I was going crazy trying to make sense of it.

It doesn't make sense, don't drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of it. You can't make sense out of nonsense.


StillLivin posted 2/14/2014 11:41 AM

Although I see what the others are saying, I am ashamed to admit that I agree.
Sister Milkshake I've seen your fWH's XOW. Bleeehhhg. But, Shrek has her beat. Oh, she doesn't look like roadkill yet, hell she's 25. But, she is extremely overweight, and not even the cute curvaceous kind of obese, but just jelly rolls looking obese. She is 25. Who the hell gets that disgusting that damn soon. She has pock marks and huge crater red acne ALL over her body. Yep, she posted lots of selfies with barely any clothes on.
I'm almost 20 years older than her and way better looking and in way better shape. She looks like she should be catching up to IT very soon.
I don't think I would feel better if she were a hottie, but at least I wouldn't be so damn disgusted with him. OMG she is fugly. FUGLY.
You know, on second thought, maybe it is better she is ugly. My disgust for him is what kept me from acting too pathetic and wanting him to stay. I can clearly see how pathetic he really is. He'd screw anything right now for an ego kibble.

AppalachianGal posted 2/14/2014 11:42 AM

I know. Deep breathes. If there was something I could change today about myself, that'd be it. I have to have the "why" for everything. Thanks!

million tears posted 2/14/2014 11:44 AM

It makes me feel superior. Really. She has to be jealous.

cayc posted 2/14/2014 11:45 AM

Some of my xWH's OW were smoking hot. One was 10 years older than me and looked like she'd been ridden hard and put up wet. OW#umpteen? Who is now wife#4? She looks like a man. Big square head and jaw. Very broad shoulders. Cankles. Not fat, not thin. Just very there. Oh and a fake southern accent which as a true southerner bugs me to no end.

So clearly, none of it is about looks. It's about who he can con. She's now in for the ride of her life. Hah!

Ostrich80 posted 2/14/2014 11:49 AM

I'd prefer it over her being a hottie. At l east.I can know, its nothing to do with my looks. I can call her, that fugly bitch and not sound jealous, because she is. If ow were a knockout, I I know I would have felt like the A was about me and I can honestly say, it has not a damn thing to do with me. I could say, oh but she's younger than I, but she looks older than I do.
Logically I know A aren't about looks but I know myself, and her being attractive would have really effed with my self esteem even more.

JanaGreen posted 2/14/2014 11:52 AM

Just very there.

whattheh posted 2/14/2014 11:58 AM

No OW is ugly as sin and evil to boot. For MM looking for PA it's easier to go after the low hanging fruit. All OWs are ugly on the inside, no matter what their outward appearance is.

Taught my fWH a hard lesson and helped me to understand and believe it when he said it was just a body albeit a really homely one. OW is called either psycho bitch or miss piggy if that tells you anything.

[This message edited by whattheh at 12:00 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

devasted30 posted 2/14/2014 12:12 PM

In my case, the other woman is prettier. I am not pretty or cute. Maybe a little below average. But, the OW is coarse, mannerless, uncouth, has no decency and vulgar so I win there. My WH hates coarse woman so WTF happened there???

alleyk posted 2/14/2014 12:16 PM

You can't make sense out of nonsense.

SisterMilkshake - SO TRUE. Just SO hard to truly digest!!!

LiedtoLucy posted 2/14/2014 12:33 PM

Even though I know it shouldn't bother me.. it does. OW is disgustingly unkempt. Messy frizzy hair. overweight. buck teeth. just gross. and it pisses me off.

turtle72 posted 2/14/2014 12:37 PM

Some days yes. I was a bit shocked at how homely she is. I have only seen one picture, her google+ profile pic, and if that is the good picture she chose as he profile, I can only imagine how awful she really looks. There is a reason she is pushing 40 and always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

But it had nothing to do with her looks or her personality. It was opportunity, the fact that she was there. Although I do point out from time to time how embarrassed he must be to know he was with such an ugly woman.

scarednbroken posted 2/14/2014 12:44 PM

I think I read somewhere that they always afair down? But I have seen pictures of about 8 of the women my WH has been with. Several are older, but a few were younger - much younger, and prettier. BUT he wasn't getting it for free. He was paying for it, so they are in business. The ones he get "for free" aren't prettier, aren't lighter, younger than me. It is a control thing. He wants to feel masterful and powerful, he can have anyone he chooses, and his "happy little family."

What really got to me was one he was PAYING for was about 60 years old (I'm 43), very much looked like her age, and had been rode really hard those years. I thought crap he is paying for that?!?!?

Lonelygirl10 posted 2/14/2014 12:57 PM

The pretty one bothers me a lot more than the unattractive one in my own situation.

OW1 was not attractive. They had sex on a mattress on the floor, while drunk. Gross.

OW2 was a model. She's gorgeous, and her pictures are on the internet. I found a message from my ex to his brother stating that he cheated on me with her because she was hot. That one really bothered me a lot. I kept picturing him with her, and thinking that he probably thought my body didn't even come close to comparing to hers. I felt ugly, and it really hurt my self-confidence. There was nothing he could say to make me feel better either. If he said that I was prettier, I knew he was lying because I can see her with my own eyes. If he said that she was prettier, I wanted to hit him. He lost no matter what he said.

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