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I was just sorting through a file of the kids' stuff and right in the middle of it was The Arse's Valentine's card to me, last year.

On the outside is a picture of a bird holding heart shaped balloon. On the inside it says:

Softcentre,

With all my love on Valentine's Day [the "all my love" part is underlined by him]
Now and always

The Arse xxx

He stopped paying into our holiday fund the next month...and was scowling at me when he thought I didn't notice...and was working out again...and encouraging me to spend money we didn't have. Mid April he'd detached. End of April he walked.

Ironic.

Ugh.

Yeah. I found my Vday card, Mother's Day, Christmas... No indication whatsoever.

Boggles the mind.

The very first time I found one of those things I had a compete and total panic attack. Had to call a friend to talk me down off the ceiling. I was laying on the floor of my bedroom hyperventilating. It was awful. Mascara stain is still on the carpet.

I feel for you.

2 years ago the sad clown was in London conducting his affair with OWIndianSheMan and sent me the usual box of long stemmed roses for VD with a lovey dovey note. I felt so lonely and not just because he was in London - it felt so insincere.

I sent him a giant box of chocolate dipped strawberries which he shared with OWIndianSheMan. I don't know how these guys sleep at night.

I had kept all of his cards and notes with the intention of creating a collage of them on our 10th wedding anniversary (would have been July this year). I burned them all October 2012, 10 years from the day we met, a few months after S. It was cleansing and I'm so happy I'll never have to accidentally come across them ever again.

Such pretty words were concealing some pretty ugly actions.

I've decided to keep mine...I need a reminder of just how much he lied, even after DDay and in false R. Of how much he could protest his love for me,even as he was preparing to leave. It's the old adage of don't listen to their words, look at their ongoing actions. Words and big gestures are cheap. I don't want to be fooled again.

I gave him back every.single.thing he ever wrote to me.

He was devastated. Poor muffin!