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So numb! Don't give a shit anymore. Vent

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Emotionalhell posted 2/14/2014 21:47 PM

Needing to vent I guess.
I haven't snooped in awhile. I know probably wrong to do. But every once in a awhile I like to confirm that he is bring honest .

Well. Found a motel receipt for a couple of weeks ago when he should of been at work. Wtf. Guess he was screwing his whore. I only cried a little. Yep I was mad but, idk . I can't confront him, cause he will know I was snooping . And will be sneaker & more careful.Everytime I come across something , some receipt or a lie it just chips away at any feelings I have for him/us. And I begin to think that being completely alone is so much better.

How can someone that treats me so nice be so deceitful?!?!?!
I often wonder why I have stayed after dday. Why has he?
Sometimes I figure it's better than being completely alone . No we don't live together . But I'm not alone . I have no family except my kids. And I figure no man is faithful anyway . This is my second time on this roller coaster.

MovingUpward posted 2/14/2014 22:09 PM


What a set of crappy circumstances. It sure sounds like his actions aren't matching the evidence even though he is being nice as hell. You are obviously hurting very badly right now and that is understandable. I hope that as thing play out that either this man steps up and acts like a man or if it all falls apart that your healing will allow you to understand that the 2 bad experiences with men do not define all men. Good men do exist and you will need to heal some to believe that. Sending you lots of healing mojo tonight.

nowiknow23 posted 2/14/2014 22:16 PM

((((Emotionalhell)))) I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to find.

But Honey? I need to say, who gives a fuck if he knows you snooped? How on Earth is snooping the issue? He cheated. AGAIN. Still? Whatever. He lied. AGAIN. Don't let the way you found out keep you from acting on the information. You don't have to confront if you don't want to, but I urge you not to let it go. Don't stay in a limbo hell with a remorseless wayward.

There are far worse things than being "alone" - trust me. Things like being in a relationship with someone who lies, betrays, and hurts you repeatedly. Things like giving up on yourself and accepting that kind of behavior from someone who supposedly loves you. Someone who makes you believe that all men are unfaithful. Because that, honey, is just bullshit. This site is filled with faithful men who have walked the same brutal path you're on. They don't deserve to be painted with the same brush as that guy.

Sending you strength.

GotMyLifeBck2013 posted 2/14/2014 23:06 PM

Ive never cheated in my life and im a 47 year old man. Had opportunities but didnt think twice about turning them down because i was married and didnt want to swim in a sewer with trash and even more so, hurt my family. My ex didnt show me the same courtesy. Do some math, ive read some stats that say 40% of men cheat during their marriage. That means 60% do not. If you think you can live with him cheating youre just selling yourself short. If you choose to reconcile, he has to do a ton of work, if you choose not to, believe me, the world is full of single men who are of good character and you can be hopeful knowing you will likely meet one and have a safe future. Theres too many people in the world. Its not a live with cheating or live alone scenario...believe it.

outside4me posted 2/14/2014 23:12 PM

Don't feel bad for snooping... your bullshit detector is working again! Be like Ronald Reagan during the cold war: trust, but verify. Your right to monitor/verify trumps his right to privacy. Every lie or cheating occurrence should be moving you towards the realization that D is probably the best option. Scary to think about being alone, but its probably better than what you're going through right now. If you jump back into the dating pool, please take heart that there are still good men out there. Make loyalty/fidelity a top selection criteria. No guarantees, but you can increase your odds of success. Good luck!

norabird posted 2/14/2014 23:52 PM

'Nice' doesn't get you very much in life from a cheater. Just confusion, limbo, insecurity, bewilderment, desperate hope.

I thought my exWBF was crazy about me. He probably was crazy about me. He said every right thing, for the most part. But his actions still hurt me deeply. Is that someone okay if the actions are paired with sweet words? Isn't it instead the case that he's manipulating you to keep the benefits of the relationship without sacrificing anything else?

Dan Savage has a saying, DTMF: dump the motherfucker.

You are well past that point. It's not a choice of this or loneliness. And even if you end up single, at least you can trust yourself!!

Sadmumma posted 2/15/2014 00:31 AM

Oh love,

He won't be angry you snooped... He'll be angry he got busted!!!

If your not prepared to confront, take a photo on your phone of the receipt. It's what I did before D day... Just took snap shots of what didn't make sense. It gave me the strength to start to detach, plus didn't alert him and make him go into hiding and start covering his tracks.

Then, when your ready take action.

It wouldn't hurt either, to seek advice. Seek legal advice on where you stand, etc. take steps to protect yourself and your kids.

ladies_first posted 2/15/2014 10:09 AM

Found a motel receipt for a couple of weeks ago when he should of been at work. Wtf. Guess he was screwing his whore. I only cried a little. Yep I was mad but, idk . I can't confront him,

What's your plan? "I can't confront him." Cool (for now). What can you do? What's your plan?

Lonelygirl10 posted 2/15/2014 10:20 AM

I'm sorry (((((hugs)))))

I understand what you're saying about him being nice but deceitful. When I got my wBF in the last lie, he was being incredibly sweet. He wanted to snuggle on the couch with me, and was making me drinks, and talking about the future. But I had just seen proof of a lie on his computer. It was like I was staring at my best friend and a stranger at the same time. I couldn't confront right away, and I took a few days to think about what I wanted to do.

I'm out of my relationship now after spending a year trying to make it work. I kept staying because he was so nice to me. But I ultimately left because I can't trust him. I kept thinking about what my future would be like. If he traveled, I'd be a mess. If he went out with his friends, I'd be a mess. If I went out with my friends, I'd be a mess. I felt trapped. I felt like I had to be with him constantly, and that I had to continue snooping to catch him in the lies. And ultimately I realized that's not the type of life I want.

I miss him now. Sometimes a lot. I'm sad, and lonely. But I also have a sense of freedom that makes me think I mad the right decision. I can go out on a Friday night with a group of girls, and not be looking at my phone constantly waiting for a text from him and wondering what he's doing and who he's with.

What you do now is your decision. Take some time and think about what you found. Gather your courage. And think about what you want your future to look like.

What's your plan for now?

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