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General :
So hurt!

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 EB1541 (original poster member #42143) posted at 6:40 AM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

I am at my wits end! My WH(dday was jan. 2) is a complete A**hole. He did absolutely nothing for me today. And to top it off he is out with his friends. I told him it makes me mad and sad but he still went out. Now he is giving me the whole, "Valentine's Day is just another day" speech. I figured he'd put at least a little effort this year even though he has never done anything for any other Valentine's Day, but I was wrong!

[This message edited by EB1541 at 12:50 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]

D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 23 his age:27
One wonderful son together

posts: 90   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6686759
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stillhere09 ( member #24924) posted at 7:54 AM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

I'm so sorry. I remember before D-Day, I didn't make a fuss over holidays. I said that I didn't need special treatment, as long as he was by my side. After D-Day, it was a different story. He learned I needed special treatment then. I think it was in my mind that he would be giving special treatment to her if she was still in his life, and so he'd better remember me. It was kind of a confirmation that I was his one & only. Also, it made for romantic times, and that's important when you are in R.

What bothers me is the fact that he's out with friends! On Valentine's Day. At this hour. ... Very suspicious, and a definite red flag.

I read your profile. I hate to tell you this, but the last paragraph of your profile describes a man who is manipulating you to be quiet and tolerant of whatever he wants to do, including having an affair, if he so chooses.

You've been married less than a year! Your son is just a baby. You want this to work out. That's understandable. However, consider this: You have not invested years together, you are young, and most of all, your child is too young to know and understand what is going on. A baby would adjust to a new lifestyle easily in comparison to what an older child would go through. If you do build a new life for yourself and your child at any point in your life, wouldn't this be the best time to do so?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

posts: 3204   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: Ohio
id 6686784
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Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 9:29 AM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

You sure he's NC? That doesn't sound like a R man to me. I'm sorry he wasn't there for you today. I don't expect much on Val day but at least be home..geez

BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

posts: 5738   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6686808
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nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 1:24 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

Honey are you in R or are you leaving this guy?

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6686883
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norabird ( member #42092) posted at 2:56 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

No wonder you are hurt! I think it's time to 180 this selfish jerk...stop telling him how his actions affect you, detach and focus on you and your beautiful baby.

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6686960
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 3:06 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

That doesn't sound like a R man to me.

Exactly.

Are you going to continue to allow this behavior? I would let him know that his continued behavior is guiding you right out of the marriage.

And then I would work on just that. I am not saying "Divorce his ass tomorrow!!", but I am saying that this behavior is not a reconcilable behavior....and you only are left with (2) options--to accept it, or not.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4388   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 6686967
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 EB1541 (original poster member #42143) posted at 7:09 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

Thanks everyone. He ended up coming home at 1:30 am and a little drunk. I told him to sleep on couch and I would talk to him in the morning. We'll this morning he went to get us breakfast and was avoiding the subject as much as possible. So I told him that if he wants to be in this relationship he needs to stop going out unless I'm with him and needs to more transparent. He agreed and claimed he really was with just friends. I told him either way it was wrong, he shouldn't have left me and my son home alone. He got defensive which shows he was lying. I told him the next time he goes out and leaves us alone, we won't be here when he comes home. It felt good to lay down the law a little.

D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 23 his age:27
One wonderful son together

posts: 90   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6687223
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BAB61 ( member #41181) posted at 8:21 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

I haven't read your profile, but from what I've read here, it sounds like he's cake-eating. Keeping you at home, and going out and getting cake. I agree that he it sounds like he is not doing any work towards R, just going on like nothing happened.

imho you need to 180 him, start looking at what you will and will not accept. I had a friend tell me after I announced my D that her husband cheated on her (in her words, every couple of years) throughout her marriage. She accepted that, and continues to stay married to him.

I could not do that, it shows a complete lack of respect and true commitment to me.

Have you read the Healing Library? It's in the yellow box on the upper left of the screen. Please do so.

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

posts: 1271   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2013   ·   location: DE
id 6687285
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Melian40 ( member #41205) posted at 9:58 PM on Saturday, February 15th, 2014

He's lying.

Put a VAR on him and get the facts.

BW-me:41
BH-him:42
DD-age 10
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"

posts: 401   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6687358
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twitching ( member #42399) posted at 1:58 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

If you said you will be gone when he leaves like that next time, then make a plan. Follow through. Make him come home to a cold and silent home and wonder where you are. He will test that...get a plan for it.

"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

posts: 128   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2014
id 6687591
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 3:03 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

You are totally being played for a fool. I'm so sorry.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6687641
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