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It was a year ago today, in a thread I started on Valentine's Day - called "She's looking good today". Y'all talked some sense into me. You made me see me that she is mean and indifferent to me, and had no interest in changing. Finally I posted this:

You're both right, of course. I've tried just laying down the law, and talking calmly, while holding her tight. That's not working.
I need to think about being ready to leave. I know what needs to be done, but I just need to get the courage for it. The money issues are the hardest.
Right now, I'm compiling all possible evidence, and am starting to save some money in my business account.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, for fuck's sake!

That's what has started me down this road. It's been fucking hard - and continues to be hard by times - but there is more happiness in my life now then there has been since I met that hag.

I think it's safe to say that y'all have changed my life. Thanks so much!

That is the great thing about SI, if you can hang around thru the pain and stay on the site even if you hear things that make you mad or make you cry it will take just one poster or one given day where whatever it is or how it was said just finally ignites that lightbulb a BS needs to finally "get it".

Whether that allows a BS to finally implement the 180 or go NC or finally file for a D, wherever you are at in this process it is so great that a group is listening and hearing you and there to lend an ear. Its powerful stuff if you really think about it.

Keep it up. We're moving on. No looking back. The future's so bright....

This is an experience I had, too, though outside of SI in a sense, because I hadn't found the site yet.

Anyway, after I moved, I started cleaning out drawers and came upon journals that are a few years old.

The words in those journals are shocking now, and sad too, because of things I was willing to put up with back then ...that I will not now. Sometimes the writing is not clear, but the emotions are there and thinking that I would have taken him back, even with all that he caused, is a hard pill to swallow.

You're right, Pass. There are glimpses of sunlight in every day life now, too...though finding them isn't always easy and hanging on to those moments is difficult, at best.

And SI helped me, too, because there are times in every day life when there are no answers-where people don't want to hear any more or just don't know. And SI is "open" during the darkest hours of night, so that being alone then is less powerful somehow.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 10:45 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]

I agree, SI gave me clarity and helped me stay sane after DD#1, and then gave me the 'chutzpah' to kick his ass out after DD#2. I read all the stuff in JFO, R, and S/D and it made me realize I was in false R, and that he was on the way out anyway .. I just moved his timeframe up. Without SI I may have begged, pleaded, cried and abased myself in a way that is anathema to the core of who I am. So, yeah .. thanks SI!!