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Moving mojo please

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norabird posted 2/15/2014 10:00 AM

Today is the day I go pack up the books, clothes etc. that are still at his place from before I found out and left. My mom is coming to help me pack. It's been a month since I realized he was still lying about oh, everything. Movers come by tomorrow morning to put it all in storage.

I'm going to get boxes and do my best to get it done (he won't be around), and my parents are amazing and have bought a place where I will be living in a few months, so I know I'm lucky...

But am still sad to be officially ending everything and having the finality. I know it's for the best but it hurts and I'm afraid I'm going to be very emotional and upset while packing up the life I thought I was building.

So any good thoughts, strength I can get from here will be appreciated.

Thanks.

yearsofpain25 posted 2/15/2014 10:02 AM

I will be thinking of you today norabird. Sending you positive thoughts and strength.

callmecrazy posted 2/15/2014 10:07 AM

Hugs Norabird

twitching posted 2/15/2014 10:30 AM

Crank up the music and go out strong!! You are one amāzing and courageous fighter!!!

Ashland13 posted 2/15/2014 10:55 AM

You can do it, Norabird.

If there is a way to not think, to numb your mind when you're there, it helps. Don't think of the past when you're there. Don't think of the future. Time doesn't matter as much as people, society, deem it so.

Time is not of the essence.

Time is not anything.

And...if this isn't possible yet, for it's really hard...think that new walls await. Maybe think of where you'll put the new books. And, the new books and other belongings will be safe. All yours.

And new walls are coming, with zero sign of the past that you can make all yours, wherever you're going.

Uhtred posted 2/15/2014 11:00 AM

Sending all my might your way Norabird. You can do this. You'll be getting a new lease on life.

Abbondad posted 2/15/2014 12:10 PM

It's very difficult, Norabird. I am going through the same situation: I am living amid boxes and memories, the cemetery of my marriage and family. I am desperate for the house to sell so I can move to my rental, but it can't be rushed; nothing can, and healing from this least of all. But moving will be cathartic. Painful, but necessary. It is a step forward, and that is what's most important. It feels like another shovelful of sod heaped over the grave, but I do believe it will not always feel this way.

(( ))

norabird posted 2/17/2014 22:39 PM

Well, that's something I never want to have to do again! And yet I'm almost sad that, in fact, I won't do it again because my next apartment will be mine and I will not move out of it, knowing what I do now about how hard it is to be vulnerable. And that new apartment is one he will never see, and I will never see the next place he lives.

I left the few mementos from our time together stuck inside a book I gave him for his birthday last year. He had written that he loved me on the title page. When is the next time I will trust someone enough to give them a million thoughtful presents? I did that for him both years we were together and now it just makes me feel stupid. And will he open the book and find them, and be as hurt by the loss of the love we had as I am?

I really want to find an email from him in my trash folder. something deeply apologetic and sad. Something so I don't feel that I am the only one mourning or the only one who was in love. There's just something awful in the finality. I guess maybe I secretly hoped he would put a stop to very thing. It's funny because I wouldn't even have not moved everything out at this point. Knowing what I do about his actions...I know he is off the table. But I still wish that the version of him I knew initially could be proved to be the real McCoy and could trounce the lying, insecure, selfish, hateful person who it turned out predominated.

Now it's just about accepting that it's over I guess. Today I saw my new apartment with the broker and a good friend who came with has agreed to move in as my roommate. Thn on the walk home I saw the first snowdrops of the season, poking out of a melting snowpile. New beginnings. I know that's what's best, just need to get through grieving / desperately clinging to what I believed was my future.

Thanks to all the SI folks who are making it easier.

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