This is a subject I read often on Si but hear of in the virtual world, too. It comes in all forms of people, but seems to be common in life after adultery.
Lately I've been working on a theory that has helped me intensely-it was like a "light bulb" type of thing and also helps when I have to interact with Perv in the last parts of settlement.
He is one of these WS who has zero remorse-at least, if he has any, I am not privy to it. Oh, sometimes he claims it, if I come down on him after a problem caused by what he did.
Lot of thinking lately helped me to realize that Perv lives his life feeling that he "earned" his ticket to freedom from being married with all that he did while we were married. And how long he stayed, even during his own misery, helps him feel that he is entitled to a variety of things, even if they hurt his x and children. They don't matter, for he comes first.
After all, he spent years being a father figure and head of household, so it's his time to "rock" now, right?
Where my focus, as a parent and BS, is on all that he did to end things. My focus is on survival for myself and children and I do not feel that I earned anything, except perhaps, the right to life.
In this way, Perv and I are very different people and could be some of why it didn't work. My sense of responsibility is far bigger than his, as well, but living the every day life that marriage is makes these fundamental differences in people difficult to "see". I lived that other life for different reasons than him-because I believed in what I was doing, because I loved and because I wanted to-not because I "owed" anything, but that is how he lived and still does.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 10:06 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.