Member # 42244
| Posted: 10:04 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014|
I've been here for about 3-4 weeks. Just reading, and crying. Crying for me, crying for us all. The advice Ive read for others has helped. The Healing Library is wonderful and I re-read the articles daily. But the pain, it of course is still here.
So begins "my story" or my nightmare, torture fest, whatever you want to call it.
Ive been married to my H for 3 1/2 yrs. Our relationship didnt start off on the best foot, but we've known each other for years and had dated previously before. So there was always that something between us. His friends, heck even his family said I was "That girl". He made that clear to them, and well to any girl he dated after me. But cheating was something that was common for him. We were young, still young but I thought when he proposed and started our family that that part of him was gone. I guess I was very very wrong.
Our marriage has been pretty simple. 2 kids, 1 DS (his) from previous short term relationship, & 1 DD (ours). We were a typical family. He didnt always help around house, I wasnt always intimate, he was at the gym way to much. But we were happy. At least I thought.
Go back almost 6 months. We were in contract to buy a home, date to move in and close were set. He started acting weird, found a text to a girl under a guys name. Nothing inappropriate was said but it shouldnt have happened. We fought about this. Well that was his reason to completely blow me off the wagon. Left one night to go hunting, never came home. Lied about where he was, this led to him not sleeping in bed with me, refused to touch me, was cold & told me he wasnt in love with me anymore but wouldnt go into any other details. This went on for 3-4 weeks. I got us out of our house contract and decided to go stay with my parents for a while. The day I moved out I found out he had been flirtaous with a girl he does Crossfit with. But this girl was also married so I didnt look into it too much. Well two days later he was out on a Sat. night and ended up with all the people he works out with. Her included. My friends and my dad confronted him. He denied anything and I spoke to this girl, she said they were in the wrong, nothing was going on jus that they were talking about their marriage issues together. EA right there. She told me she was doing a NC and was working on her marriage with her H. I finally moved back home and we tried. It seemed to be going ok. I tried to do MC, but he refused that and IC. We really got no where. Few months later I am being told that the two of them are still talking and she has left her H. She kept denying anything was going on, as well as he did. My H works nights and has 2nd job in morning so some nights he would stay with his "mom" (she lives close to his job) had a gut feeling and went by the OW home and waited.. sure enough after he got off work he pulled right up to her house. I couldnt wait for him to go to door I confronted him at his car. He left, I again spoke to her and she denied anything. He came home saying nothing was going on, gave some excuse and promised to R. Week later, it happens again. This time I go to her front door. Still denied. It was a week before Christmas, so I kept quiet for the kids. My whole family and friends have been aware of the situation since day 1. I need them to lean on. Got through Christmas and the day after he ditch the kids and me and snuck off with her. The dumb a$$ actually hid his jeep at my BFFs workplace. She saw the OW pull in to drop him off. The OW house is the next street over. The night i found out I went and packed all his clothes and made him leave.
Since then its a come and go as he wants. One minute he wants to try, the next no. The OW about 3 weeks ago wrote my StepDS mother stating how the two of them werent "officially" together but she would probably be around DS. This happened actually when my H was at our home ill and I was tending to him. ugh. At that point my MIL got involved and wrote OW about morals and to stay away till we decide what to do (she went through many A's with my FIL). Since that message went out from OW i tried 180, and then he started coming home more. Not going to gym when she is there and it seems like somewhat R. Since ive kicked him out he has barely helped me financially. Leaving all bills to me, and paying for childrens needs. Im mentally exhausted, financially struggling and still torn about which way to go. He left a well paying job for two jobs where he isnt doing as well financially and is keeping him away from the children. I talked to an attorney but I dont have any $ to pay for it. Im in process of getting another job and just feel so stuck. Im so scared of what happens next and feel so dragged down.
Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 40306
| Posted: 10:10 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014|
I'm so sorry you're here.
I'm no expert at this yet except to say read up on the 180, which I have not yet mastered myself!
Someone will be along with good advice.
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.
Posts: 1841 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 25001
| Posted: 10:19 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014|
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I understand you said you don't have the money for the attorney, but could you go through mediation and have a child support agreement drawn up? I least it would be a start.
Sending you (((hugs))) and strength to get through this.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
Posts: 5966 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!