SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

shatteredapart posted 2/15/2014 15:09 PM

My WH just received a job offer. It's comparable to what he's making now. The pros are:
He wouldn't be working for the same company as EA partner anymore. They work are area supervisors so only see each other occasionally for meetings.
Also his company isn't stable right now so it's possible could lose his job in 3-12 months

Cons:

Moving again. We moved 500 miles for this job. The kids are finally settled and the schools are great. As a family we love the area. COW lives 2 hours from here. They would meet 1/2 and an hour and a half out of his work area.

Just not sure what to do. I don't want to base my decision on her. She deserves nothing. He has gone NC for the last 7 weeks. Sigh...I hate that she's taking up head room. I don't want to move just because of WH job uncertainty and her.
ETA We would have to relocate again 4 hours from where we are now. I don't want to move my kids again.

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 6:12 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

jpumpkin posted 2/15/2014 15:57 PM

I think my biggest concern would be the stability of his current job. HOW likely is a layoff? Of course if it is a high demand area that he could easily get another job, maybe that possibility isn't as big of a concern for you.

shatteredapart posted 2/15/2014 18:15 PM

Jpumpkin Another company just bought his and is looking to restructure and go public. He's middle management and his numbers are not the best due to poor budget set up by company VP. He's already turned down one job in another state because it wasn't right for us. There's not a lot of jobs available right now. He's afraid of the future but doesn't want to make the wrong move. Also he's afraid of turning it down and he's let go in 6 months to a year.

jpumpkin posted 2/15/2014 19:19 PM

In that case, OW doesn't even play into it. You guys have to do what is best for your family. I completely understand not wanting to move again, we use to move for WH job quite a bit. We had a bad habit of staying on sinking ships too. For awhile it wasn't a huge issue because we rented and were able to go where ever the jobs were. Unfortunately, he lost a job a year after we bought a house and we were stuck. I was a stay at home mom and pregnant and he was out of work for 4 months. I don't think I could let him pass up a job offer now if there was any hint of a job loss on the horizon. I hated moving so I understand your dilemma.

shatteredapart posted 2/17/2014 07:28 AM

Very stressed this morning. We talked to the CEO yesterday and brought up several questions we had. He is a wonderful man and was very understanding. Within a few hours he called WH back and came back with an even better deal...A few thousand dollars more, better car allowance, answered a lot of questions, etc. He's looking long term for his company and is willing to do what it takes to get the right person. He strongly believes WH is the right person. It's a good opportunity. Very comparable to where he's at now but less travel between locations. I just hate the thought of transplanting my fourth and sixth grader again. We just moved 16 months ago 500+ miles. My son transitioned well but my 9 year old daughter has just started to really feel safe and making solid friends. I just don't know what to do. WH is being great. He wants to do this move only of its right for everyone. No one but him wanted to really move the last time but we did it because it was his dream job and a great area. The major con here is the hour and a half drive to 3 of his locations and 2 hour to a fourth. Only one is close to where we live. Looking back (except for EA with COW) it was the right move even though it was hard to uproot from where our children were born and raised. We need to give him an offer this afternoon. I'm sick to my stomach. I really don't want to move.

shatteredapart posted 2/21/2014 11:40 AM

On Monday we decided to accept the job offer 4 hours away. However, we are not committed to it yet 100%. The Owner/CEO said we can back out anytime before start date. I don't want to uproot my kids again. I was starting to make friends here before I found out about the EA but I've held myself back since September because I'm afraid to get too close to anyone. Sunday WH spoke to a friend of his in another state that works for the company that bought out his company. At that time it sounded like he thought we should stay where we are for now. Then he called Monday and said that things were taking a turn for the worse and since WH only has a 18 months with the company it might be in our best interest to take the offer. Today he received a call from the new job. They are sending us the health benefits package and company credit card. They also have a real estate team set to help us find a place to live and answer questions about quality schools and such. I'm sick to my stomach. I don't even know if we can get out of our current lease. I doubt it and it's not up until October. I definitely don't want to live apart. We did that for 6 weeks when he took this job. I would have to research and find something quick plus change the kids schools. We are so content here. This move was the best one for our family (before the EA)....better schools, better house/neighborhood, better lifestyle. I'm so scared. This move would take us away from OW who is a COW. It will also take us away from my parents who relocated here a few months after us. I'm so lost. I don't want to be further away from my support network and I don't want to start over again for myself or my family. I have to remind myself that it's not just because of A/COW but because of job instability. I'm heartbroken. This sucks!!!

norabird posted 2/21/2014 11:55 AM

I'm sorry you're stressed about the move. I too hate moving! But, it does seem like a good opportunity, and maybe the feeling of a fresh start would turn out to be good for you? Your kids can get resettled. As for your parents--did they buy in the area you live in now? Or would they relocate too? Talk to them about options.