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Gaslighting...not so fast there buck-o

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nekorb posted 2/15/2014 18:11 PM

I had a mini-victory that I want to share...

I was verifying WH's trip out of town with his friends and texted,

Nekorb: your trip is ABC, right? You know, that's during the kids' spring break.

WH: I ASKED you, you said it wasn't during their break

Nekorb: no. You told me when you gave me the dates that it wasn't during their break. I had no idea when break was/is.

WH: I asked you and you told me it wasn't during any of the kids' breaks

:::silence whilst Nekorb flips back pages and pages of texts on her phone to the one that says...wait for it...

WH to Nekorb: " I'm thinking of going on trip dates ABC. Any issue with family stuff? I know it isn't any of the kids spring break"

...Nekorb forwards text to WH with explanation that it's forwarded in its original form:::

WH: why do you still have that text?


Then he actually continued to try and blame me. Are you kidding me???

ETA: this IS an example of gaslighting, right?

[This message edited by nekorb at 6:14 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

Dreamboat posted 2/15/2014 18:58 PM

Yes. He has probably been doing shit like this for a long time and you just thought you were being forgetful or he was being forgetful. Now you know better.

But really, you need to go NC with him. Stop arguing with him because you KNOW he will pull this crap and you KNOW he will blameshift. Nothing you can do or say will make him into a normal human being. My favorite line to WS back in the day was " I KNOW what I KNOW." and then I would hang up or walk away. Because they also know when they do this to you and they expect you to be the nice girl and accept it like you always have all of your M because you loved him and thought he loved you and never suspected he would pull psychopathic behavior like this. He doesn;t understand Bitch Boots yet.

nekorb posted 2/15/2014 19:16 PM

Can't go NC at this point. Still living together, kids don't know, still have to mediate, etc.

I think he doesn't believe I will go completely NC when he moves out.

Dreamboat posted 2/15/2014 19:48 PM

Since you still live together, then go 180 on him. Respond politely but distantly, like you would to a neighbor that you do not like. Make excuses to not be in the same room as him. Say things like "I am sorry you feel that way" and walk way. And when you are not with the kids then you can absolutely go NC with him. Or if he texts or calls, then NC. Do not look at the text and let the call go the VM. If you have a special ring on your phone for him, then change it to the generic ring so the kids don't know the call is from him.

I know you have to tread carefully right now, but you can still 180.

Harriet posted 2/15/2014 19:58 PM

That's classic! I love it! He knows. He just doesn't want to eat crow in front of you.

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