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General :
Triggers... Here are mine

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 Hatemyhusband (original poster member #41633) posted at 1:42 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

The town where the Crack Motel he would frequent w her

The street of the motel, which I drive down twice a month to shop

The mall- sunglasses places and V secret. Things he bought her

The park- he'd meet her few mornings a week before work. Park where my kids played as toddlers and loved :-(

Cigars- frequently smoked like a big shot during his "me" phase. The smell of them

His wedding ring- every time I see it I think of how he didn't wear it those two years

His phone- every time I see him on it for longer than a minute

My couch- where he slept for two years to text her before sleeping. Seeing him asleep on that couch. Even for nap. Triple the pain

Hate all these things. Every single one

posts: 667   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2013
id 6687575
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Tearsoflove ( member #8271) posted at 1:51 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

I don't have a lot of triggers. I was fortunate and both affairs were when he was gone for work. The ones I do have are pretty major so he's pretty careful.

1. Not answering his phone when I call him.

2. Any lying at all. After hearing him say "Look me in the eye. I didn't sleep with her." while looking deeply into my eyes, even a little fib sends me over the edge.

3. A song that has the first OWs name in it. I fight that trigger, though. It was always a favorite, since childhood, and I'll be damned if she's taking that from me.

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

posts: 6078   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2005   ·   location: Southeast
id 6687585
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Breezy150 ( member #42421) posted at 2:38 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

My D-Day is pretty recent, only six weeks ago, but just about everything is a trigger, it never leaves my mind and somehow I can twist anything into a trigger.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

posts: 544   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2014
id 6687626
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 Hatemyhusband (original poster member #41633) posted at 2:54 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

10 weeks out or so.

I agree with everything is a trigger.

posts: 667   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2013
id 6687634
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outtanowhere ( member #39001) posted at 4:08 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

America's Best Hotel

Motel 6

The gmail icon

Hearing the words Craigslist or hooker

His rings that he had on while he groped other women while having "monkey sex" in the above mentioned sleazy hotels.

Knowing he is at our house working while I'm at work. This is when he used to arrange his hook ups.

Dollar General - where one of the whores actually used to be employed. I only know this because I have found out that I am an excellent detective.

Me-clueless BS Dday - 2/19/13 "This isn’t flying. It’s falling with style".Buzz Lightyear - Toy Story

posts: 1067   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2013
id 6687700
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meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 5:39 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

The restaurant that my daughter chose for dinner tonight. Why? After DDay, I found pictures of my children in the restaurant that fWh had taken and sent to OW to prove to her that he was with us (his wife and children) and not some other woman. He had taken and sent the pictures when I was away from the table. I didn't have much of an appetite tonight

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

posts: 438   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6687760
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Kasper ( new member #42466) posted at 8:04 AM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Sitting on her phone and ignoring me for a few minutes while I'm asking who she's texting.

Having the nerve to get snappy with me when I'm looking at her phone to see who she's texting.

Being alone at home for majority of the day.....

All I can think about while I'm at work. Wondering what she's doing an if her texts are truthful.

posts: 9   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2014
id 6687827
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jpumpkin ( member #42148) posted at 2:00 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Things that STILL trigger me (I've managed to reclaim quite a bit): The town it happened in. We don't live there anymore but I hate visiting. Perhaps if we bad stayed, I would have been able to overwrite those memories with new better ones. Not answering my texts even if it's not a text that requires an answer. Reminds me of the nights that I couldn't reach him and how he always seems to be able to text anyone else back right away. Also, texting in front of me. .....he did that once. And to add a touch of crazy it also bugs me if he gets a text and he doesn't respond to it. Makes me wonder if he's waiting for me to leave.

A big one for me is being pregnant, and it's the reason I sought out support. It's the reason the phone triggers reared their ugly head again. I get insecure and paranoid. I've talked to him about this and told him it was because of his behavior in past pregnancies added to pregnancy hormones. He's been supportive this time and owned his behavior but I can't stop the thoughts and memories.

posts: 74   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2014
id 6687957
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Stillheart ( new member #27322) posted at 2:17 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

All cities that FWW and Om slept together business trips including my own city.

Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010   ·   location: Oregon
id 6687978
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 2:32 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Sundays, the place it happened, her or her name, her profession, craigslist, everything

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6687989
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Gotmegood ( member #41407) posted at 2:45 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Cold Sunday mornings; that's when he hooked up with the scurrying tenement rat whore. The city the motel was in, 100 miles from where we live. Any movie that includes in the plot prostitutes/affairs; and there are SO many of them.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

posts: 764   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Florida
id 6687999
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struggling16 ( member #33202) posted at 2:56 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

I've posted these before but the venting would be helpful today:

Ann Arbor

Red Roof Inns, the Fairlane Motel and cheap motels

Appetizers

Wine splits

25 year olds

long dark hair

cell phones

secrets

exercising at the Y

McDonald’s

Bar Louie

The metro Detroit region

Redford

Novi

Malls

Old men ogling young women

User-losers

Meijer Gardens

Dale Chihuly glass

Hosting my husband’s family

Our cars (the ho-mobiles)-they were too “classy” to do it in the car

Belle Tire

posts: 792   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2011
id 6688013
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laney57 ( member #35617) posted at 4:13 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Ugh... When he speaks in his native language (she was one of his own). World Cup. His necklace with a cross on it (the one he NEVER took off), but tossed his ring.

Hate them all!

Update 01/21/17
Me - BS, 46
Him - WH, 48
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Separated 03/2014 (he moved out of state for job)
Tried and tried and failed long distance 09/2015
Have no idea

posts: 236   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2012   ·   location: KY
id 6688091
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:00 PM on Sunday, February 16th, 2014

The Home Depot

Snowmobiles

Motorcycles (especially if a female is driving it)

Friday afternoons

92 KQRS

Best Western hotels

My list used to be super long. It has been whittled down. YAY! And, the triggers I've listed aren't as powerful as they used to be.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6688139
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sparkle09 ( member #41901) posted at 2:00 AM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

Him calling me sexy

Him telling me I'm pretty

Wedding ring - I flushed it!

Very expensive watch I bought him he never took off- I have it an will sell it!

Being in his truck even though he says she never was

Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

posts: 119   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2014
id 6688673
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brkn_heartd ( member #30396) posted at 3:07 AM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

1. Music especially CW music, but most caused me to trigger.

2. Microtel hotels

3. The town we used to live in

4. His phone when it goes off after 9pm or before 8am

5. His phone when he is texting a lot

6. Trips to the bathroom when we are out together

7. Football season...accompanied with lots of texts

8. His truck (we don't have it anymore!)

9. Any parks that I might want to take a walk in regardless of where we live or are

10. GPS devices

11. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Valentines Day, and a local music fest

There is more, but those are the big triggers.

Me-57 BS
Him 65-WS
Married 38 yrs, together 40
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

posts: 2137   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2010   ·   location: Northwesten US
id 6688744
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StorybookGirl42 ( member #42276) posted at 4:22 AM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

Applebee's (thank goodness I never liked the restaurant but now just seeing one gives me the willies. It is where they would "meet" to have their "talks about the boy" which was code for date).

His old car. He took her for rides in it and did things with her. I was so relieved when it broke down so badly we had to replace it. The repair was more than the car was worth.

When he gets text messages from some of his female friends that I don't know very well. It sets me off.

Her, seeing her, every two freaking weeks when we have to do the exchange of the kid.

posts: 95   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2014
id 6688846
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outside4me ( member #42430) posted at 4:45 AM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

My triggers:

Facebook

Leaving the room if receiving a call or text

Deleting (texts, emails, browser histories, etc)

But that's just like...my opinion, man. I could be wrong.

posts: 276   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Colorado
id 6688872
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creativecat ( member #41728) posted at 12:56 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

Fitness ads

women's sports

most music (we were having a talk the other night about one trigger, and had music on in the background...the Eagles "Lyin Eyes" came on...really, what is the luck??)

the gym

computers

Facebook

his phone

one particular former colleague

the beach

movies/TV plotlines alluding to adultery (saw a movie this weekend with our kids, and it looked like that was where a particular subplot was headed, and I went from snuggled up/holding hands with my fWH to tense/fists clenched/ready to bolt from the movie theatre...ugh)

posts: 89   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2013
id 6689044
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Brokenhearted99 ( new member #41564) posted at 3:01 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014

6 weeks into this. So I would imagine there are more. I'm looking for them so I can manage them in the future. I already suffer from PTSD and am aware of what it does.

So far the ones I know of:

Her phone

Cupcakes

W.W. EA went on during a rich time of the year for us. A time, when we should be enjoying family. Our son's birthday. Her birthday. Our anniversary. Thanks Giving and Christmas.

I had to go to the store last night and walked past the store bakery where I picked up a tray of cupcakes for our 8 year old's birthday party for school. For all I know, she may have taken the moment to message the OM while I was gone.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6689184
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