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Newest Member: livingafacade (49864)

User Topic: Triggers... Here are mine
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The town where the Crack Motel he would frequent w her
The street of the motel, which I drive down twice a month to shop
The mall- sunglasses places and V secret. Things he bought her
The park- he'd meet her few mornings a week before work. Park where my kids played as toddlers and loved :-(
Cigars- frequently smoked like a big shot during his "me" phase. The smell of them
His wedding ring- every time I see it I think of how he didn't wear it those two years
His phone- every time I see him on it for longer than a minute
My couch- where he slept for two years to text her before sleeping. Seeing him asleep on that couch. Even for nap. Triple the pain

Hate all these things. Every single one

Posts: 583 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have a lot of triggers. I was fortunate and both affairs were when he was gone for work. The ones I do have are pretty major so he's pretty careful.

1. Not answering his phone when I call him.
2. Any lying at all. After hearing him say "Look me in the eye. I didn't sleep with her." while looking deeply into my eyes, even a little fib sends me over the edge.
3. A song that has the first OWs name in it. I fight that trigger, though. It was always a favorite, since childhood, and I'll be damned if she's taking that from me.

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

Posts: 4972 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Southeast
♀ 42421
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My D-Day is pretty recent, only six weeks ago, but just about everything is a trigger, it never leaves my mind and somehow I can twist anything into a trigger.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10 weeks out or so.
I agree with everything is a trigger.

Posts: 583 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 39001
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

America's Best Hotel
Motel 6
The gmail icon
Hearing the words Craigslist or hooker
His rings that he had on while he groped other women while having "monkey sex" in the above mentioned sleazy hotels.
Knowing he is at our house working while I'm at work. This is when he used to arrange his hook ups.
Dollar General - where one of the whores actually used to be employed. I only know this because I have found out that I am an excellent detective.

Me-clueless BS
Dday - 2/19/13
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Posts: 855 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 38958
Member # 38958
Sad  Posted: 11:39 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The restaurant that my daughter chose for dinner tonight. Why? After DDay, I found pictures of my children in the restaurant that fWh had taken and sent to OW to prove to her that he was with us (his wife and children) and not some other woman. He had taken and sent the pictures when I was away from the table. I didn't have much of an appetite tonight

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 438 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 42466
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sitting on her phone and ignoring me for a few minutes while I'm asking who she's texting.
Having the nerve to get snappy with me when I'm looking at her phone to see who she's texting.
Being alone at home for majority of the day.....
All I can think about while I'm at work. Wondering what she's doing an if her texts are truthful.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 42148
Member # 42148
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things that STILL trigger me (I've managed to reclaim quite a bit): The town it happened in. We don't live there anymore but I hate visiting. Perhaps if we bad stayed, I would have been able to overwrite those memories with new better ones. Not answering my texts even if it's not a text that requires an answer. Reminds me of the nights that I couldn't reach him and how he always seems to be able to text anyone else back right away. Also, texting in front of me. .....he did that once. And to add a touch of crazy it also bugs me if he gets a text and he doesn't respond to it. Makes me wonder if he's waiting for me to leave.

A big one for me is being pregnant, and it's the reason I sought out support. It's the reason the phone triggers reared their ugly head again. I get insecure and paranoid. I've talked to him about this and told him it was because of his behavior in past pregnancies added to pregnancy hormones. He's been supportive this time and owned his behavior but I can't stop the thoughts and memories.

Posts: 69 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 27322
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All cities that FWW and Om slept together business trips including my own city.

Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sundays, the place it happened, her or her name, her profession, craigslist, everything

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me, D
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 1919 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 41407
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cold Sunday mornings; that's when he hooked up with the scurrying tenement rat whore. The city the motel was in, 100 miles from where we live. Any movie that includes in the plot prostitutes/affairs; and there are SO many of them.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 722 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 33202
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've posted these before but the venting would be helpful today:

Ann Arbor
Red Roof Inns, the Fairlane Motel and cheap motels
Wine splits
25 year olds
long dark hair
cell phones
exercising at the Y
Bar Louie
The metro Detroit region
Old men ogling young women
Meijer Gardens
Dale Chihuly glass
Hosting my husband’s family
Our cars (the ho-mobiles)-they were too “classy” to do it in the car
Belle Tire

Posts: 766 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 35617
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh... When he speaks in his native language (she was one of his own). World Cup. His necklace with a cross on it (the one he NEVER took off), but tossed his ring.
Hate them all!

Update 09/11/15
Me - BS, 45
Him - WH, 47
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Separated 03/2014 (he moved out of state for job)
Tried and tried and failed long distance 09/2015
Have no idea

Posts: 236 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Home Depot
Motorcycles (especially if a female is driving it)
Friday afternoons
Best Western hotels

My list used to be super long. It has been whittled down. YAY! And, the triggers I've listed aren't as powerful as they used to be.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4-7yrs. /fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 11305 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 41901
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him calling me sexy
Him telling me I'm pretty
Wedding ring - I flushed it!
Very expensive watch I bought him he never took off- I have it an will sell it!
Being in his truck even though he says she never was

Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Music especially CW music, but most caused me to trigger.
2. Microtel hotels
3. The town we used to live in
4. His phone when it goes off after 9pm or before 8am
5. His phone when he is texting a lot
6. Trips to the bathroom when we are out together
7. Football season...accompanied with lots of texts
8. His truck (we don't have it anymore!)
9. Any parks that I might want to take a walk in regardless of where we live or are
10. GPS devices
11. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Valentines Day, and a local music fest

There is more, but those are the big triggers.

Me-52 BS
Him 59-WS
Married 32 yrs, together 35
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1930 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
♀ 42276
Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Applebee's (thank goodness I never liked the restaurant but now just seeing one gives me the willies. It is where they would "meet" to have their "talks about the boy" which was code for date).

His old car. He took her for rides in it and did things with her. I was so relieved when it broke down so badly we had to replace it. The repair was more than the car was worth.

When he gets text messages from some of his female friends that I don't know very well. It sets me off.

Her, seeing her, every two freaking weeks when we have to do the exchange of the kid.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 42430
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My triggers:

Leaving the room if receiving a call or text
Deleting (texts, emails, browser histories, etc)

Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
♀ 41728
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fitness ads
women's sports
most music (we were having a talk the other night about one trigger, and had music on in the background...the Eagles "Lyin Eyes" came on...really, what is the luck??)
the gym
his phone
one particular former colleague
the beach
movies/TV plotlines alluding to adultery (saw a movie this weekend with our kids, and it looked like that was where a particular subplot was headed, and I went from snuggled up/holding hands with my fWH to tense/fists clenched/ready to bolt from the movie theatre...ugh)

Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
♂ 41564
Member # 41564
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6 weeks into this. So I would imagine there are more. I'm looking for them so I can manage them in the future. I already suffer from PTSD and am aware of what it does.

So far the ones I know of:
Her phone

W.W. EA went on during a rich time of the year for us. A time, when we should be enjoying family. Our son's birthday. Her birthday. Our anniversary. Thanks Giving and Christmas.

I had to go to the store last night and walked past the store bakery where I picked up a tray of cupcakes for our 8 year old's birthday party for school. For all I know, she may have taken the moment to message the OM while I was gone.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 62
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