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I want off this roller coaster....

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yestopants posted 2/15/2014 20:56 PM

I am having a rough weekend.... I just feel so hurt. I want the hurt to stop. I haven't slept well which just ends in me feeling sorry for myself (which I can't stand!). I feel dumped on and I didn't choose any of this. He keeps screwing up with calling the kids on scheduled times then I get to pick up the pieces. When he does call (when it's convenient for him) he is all disney dad. Makes me angry. I get all the hard work and responsibility. I work two jobs cause I don't trust he will send money (not a priority for him). I am 100% responsible for everything to do with the kids. He talks to them for a total of maybe 45min a week. He gets to go out and be mister cool nice guy, have a fun GF, spend his money on whatever he feels like. He can be whoever he wants... I am in another country and he doesn't have to face anyone or be truthful.
I am thankful I have the kids 100% I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm just tired and it feels like he has NO consequences or hurt. I want time to hurry the fuck up! I REALLY don't like wallowing in this. He does not deserve space in my head. I don't know what would make me feel better? I just needed to put this out there. I know I am not dealing with a human being. My mom keeps telling me to be patient he can't keep this up...and that I just need to get strong so when his world crumbles I can tell him where to go and how to get there.

[This message edited by yestopants at 8:57 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

nowiknow23 posted 2/15/2014 21:14 PM

((((yestopants)))) The biggest jumps in healing for me came when I turned my focus away from him. You just can't move forward well when you're constantly checking the rear-view mirror.

I know it's hard, especially in the beginning. When you find yourself thinking about him, what he's doing, what he isn't doing, etc., make yourself stop. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it if you must, but make yourself focus on you and the kids. Don't count on him for anything. Don't expect him to do anything right. Make him as irrelevant in your mind as he is in your day-to-day life.

You can do this.

SBB posted 2/15/2014 21:20 PM

^^ what NIK said. It will take time to create new habits. It will take time to adjust to your new normal.

Unfortunately there are no shortcuts, I've looked.

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