Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

vent: dealing with the loss of my previous home

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

PhantomLimb posted 2/15/2014 21:18 PM

I still miss my M and X sometimes... but I have a good hold on that with NC and IC.

But sometimes having lost my old home just kills me. We lived in a part of the country that I absolutely loved. I'd give anything to live there again. When the S/D happened, I moved back in with family (as I should have).... but it was on the other side of the country.

And then I found myself a new (really great) job for a fresh start. And it will be in an awesome city that is really the kind of place most people visit to go on vacation. I think a lot of people would kill to live in this part of the country, but while it's objectively going to be an incredible and exciting change... it really (really, really) isn't my personal style. And it's also geographically as far away from my old home as you can get.

I have my eye on trying to get a job back in that old part of the country again. But it could take years, given what I do. And I suppose I could try to vacation there sometimes... but that's not the same.

I miss my favorite old restaurants. I miss my favorite place to go for a walk. To shop. To watch the sunset.

Sometimes I miss my old neighborhood so much it hurts. I dream about my old drive to work, I'm so homesick for it. I can still map our old place in my head. Remember the way it smelled. Remember my favorite things that I had to leave behind. I'm going to try to rebuy some of them and make the best out of my fresh start, of course. But sometimes when I hear a reference to my old area on the news or something... it's like a knife to the chest.

Thanks for listening to my vent. Just looking for commiseration.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:19 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

kg201 posted 2/15/2014 21:25 PM

I hear the sadness. I need to put our home on the market and I am dreading it. I came back today after being prevented by my STBX's restraining order the last two weeks, and being home feels good. I don't look forward to renting again after 15 years of ownership.

Commiserating with you indeed,

nowiknow23 posted 2/15/2014 21:27 PM


newlysingle posted 2/15/2014 22:26 PM


I'm so sorry. I feel your pain so much through your post. It makes my heart hurt for you.

I will be joining the ranks of losing my home soon too. We bought our home as the home we would raise our children in. It's in a fantastic neighborhood that is now far more expensive than I could ever afford to live in again. I also have to go back to renting after 10 years of home ownership. It's going to be really emotional to sell this place.

I'm trying to focus on the positives though. I will no longer have the maintenance and most importantly, the tie to the Gnat. We still co-own it together and I need to completely disentangle myself from him (other than the kids).

I feel like the emotional hits never end after dday. Just when I feel like I'm standing and catching my breath, something new kicks me in the gut and knocks me down again. I know there will one day be an end to this, but it still seems so far out of reach.

Pass posted 2/15/2014 23:48 PM

I understand your pain. I liked our neighbourhood, a lot.

You didn't ask for suggestions so please feel free to ignore this ... but here's what I suggest: Embrace your new city.

Go out and discover the city. Find those hidden shops and restaurants that make every city special. Every evening and weekend burn some shoe leather by going exploring.

When I first moved into the city, the boys and I would have a new quest every weekend. They would get here on Friday night and I would say, "I heard of this little place that has..." the best burger, the strongest garlic bread, the thickest shakes, the biggest ice cream cones, whatever. We found some nasty hole in the wall spots that served some really cool shit. We went to all the music stores, all the used clothes stores, army surplus stores, head shops (being near the bongs make my boys feel badass!), and tattoo parlours.

I showed my boys that there is a whole other life in the city, that is nothing like the country suburban life they have the rest of the week.

Every city has extremely lovable shit just waiting for you to find it. You just need to give it a chance, instead of pining for where you ain't.

Sorry about the soapbox. Like I said, feel free to ignore this unsolicited advice.

persevere posted 2/15/2014 23:52 PM

I didn't have to leave my city, but I did leave my neighborhood when I downsized 18 months ago, and I know exactly what you mean. I miss walking the dogs on the trail in my old neighborhood, I miss my old grocery store, I just miss my old area and really wish I had sucked it up and bought a smaller home in the same area.

Funny thing is I don't really miss the house, but I miss everything around

But, gradually I'm adjusting.

brokenfyrman posted 2/16/2014 00:20 AM

I've been talking with neighbors lately, confirming that yes as soon as youngest graduates I will have to put the house on the market. It really sucks, I like the majority of my neighbors, we are a fairly tight bunch. Holiday cookouts, sharing times and stories with the kids and now I am going to lose all of that too. They yard and house I have put so much time in, my workshop and all that goes along with it. Having to sand down and paint over team and themed logos I painted on the boys walls. I'm going to miss home but once youngest goes it will just be a house again. Four walls that have witnessed so much pain, so many tears, unbelievable fighting, physical abuse but those fleeting moments of happiness will be what I leave with. I will take what is good for me out of this house and I will use it to create my own new home for the two most important parts of my life. I don't care where I lay my head, she can take away my house but my home is where my boys and I share our hearts and that bitch WILL NEVER EVER TAKE THAT FROM ME!!

Sad in AZ posted 2/16/2014 00:53 AM

You probably don't know my story, but I've moved 3 times since I S from the X. I first moved from Tucson to Phoenix. For a long time I pined for familiar faces and places. I had a pub that I liked going to and people who knew me. I worked for a company that I really enjoyed (but was having problems with the owner, so that was about to end anyway). I loved the area where I lived. I moved in with my mom, which was very difficult.

My office closed in Phoenix, and I accepted a transfer to Houston; it was not a good match. I resumed all around the country (including back in Tucson) but only received responses from upstate NY. I accepted a position and moved, the the job fell through, so I had to search again, and found a very good position.

I still miss Tucson to some degree, but I'm now in a familiar part of the country in a place near where I grew up. I'm much closer to my life-long friends than I've been in 23 years, and it's been so good to reconnect. My point is that it may not take as long to get where you want/need to be, so don't give up hope. You may not get back where you started, but you may have a great adventure.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.