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I am a mad hatter and I'm lost

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Shakentothecore posted 2/16/2014 01:43 AM

I don't know what to do anymore. I found out that my husband cheated on me in 2011. I have been on S.I since early last year. My whole life has been dysfuctional. I grew up in an incestuous family (not mom and dad) but my mom and her sisters were molested by my grandfather and grandmother.
My mom became an extremely depressed person, she became addicted to perscription pills. I was the youngest child out of six. 4 from her and my dad and two from just my dad and his previous wife. At the age of 5 my sister from my dad came to live with us. She had been molested by her step brothers on her other side. Nobody knew. Now it's me and her with 4 brothers. She wanted to play "house" with my brothers and I. She lived with us for a few years off and on. When she first started everything it turns out I actually told my mom about it and said I didn't like it. I was looking for comfort. They gave it by letting me sleep in their bed. You can imagine at age of 6 being afraid of any family member should be foreign. At this age there were more than a couple I was deeply afraid of. My grandparents were putting their fear into us. Can't emotionally bare it all tonight but I need to start. Is it okay to put so much personal info like hurts? Things that have happened that you can only now say f u about? I'm a mess and have been ever since that day. Since my husband broke my heart. Trying to put the pieces together and decide if stay or go is the right decision. I love him but I can't get past this yet.

HUFI-PUFI posted 2/16/2014 08:36 AM

Shakentothecore - Can't emotionally bare it all tonight but I need to start. Is it okay to put so much personal info like hurts?


Yes, it is okay to put yourself out there, to reveal your inner hurts and pains here on SI. As a community, we're here to support you in healing. There are members here who share similar lives, with similar stories and they have all found SI to be a safe place.

Because of the mad hatter situation, you might find more support in the I can Relate forum in this thread.

With your history of childhood abuse, you might also want to bring your concerns up in this thread too.

While I don't want you to feel anything but free to post here on SI about your past hurts/issues, I think you need to carefully consider that SI, no matter how supportive, is not a replacement for professional therapy. I feel that you would benefit with IC on all of the issues that you are facing.

With it being Sunday, its a bit quiet here but perhaps some others will be here shortly to talk to you too.


Ascendant posted 2/16/2014 10:20 AM

Everything HUFI said up there was gold. Also, I might take some time to think about this dynamic in IC:

Almost 9 years together

....and how it relates to the abuse issue. Like HUFI said, definitely something to look into IC about.

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