"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
then i punched him in his face
While I don't agree with violence... That.. Is gold... I'm sure all BS have wanted to do that!!
You didn't seek out contact. You responded.
With practice you'll learn not to take the bait.
With practice you'll learn there's no point, whatsoever, in engaging. It took me waaaay more than a few frustrating, non-productive conversations to reach this conclusion. Even now, I can get involved in one without even realizing it, if caught at a vulnerable time. Almost 100 percent of the time I have no contact. Almost 100 percent of the time when I do have contact, it is superficial and noncommittal. But sometimes he pushes one of those buttons he expertly installed.
Don't beat yourself up.
You're not failing. You're human.
Until he is ready to be repentant, the absolute best thing you can do is ignore him entirely unless it pertains to your kids.
No one said the 180 is easy. You're bound to make mistakes doing it. Just go back to talking only about kids and finances.
Have you filed for D? It seems like that could get him out of your hair to at least some extent.
Your church is important to you and, obviously, to him, and he's saying he will lie to get back in? How did he expect you to react?
He's obviously very screwed up, and I think he misunderstands confidentiality. Your C is probably constrained by ethics and perhaps by law to keep most things confidential, but you're not.
ETA: Right. No violence. It's dangerous.
Also, IC might be a good idea, even if it came from him. IC could give you emotional support and help you find and exercise strengths you don't know you have.
[This message edited by sisoon at 2:03 PM, February 17th (Monday)]
Oh, you need IC? If you do (and I'm sure it would be helpful) it is surely down to his being such a jerk! However it's not going to help to give in to your impulse to lash out. Take the high road. You will come out looking better if you turn the other cheek. Ignore him and shut him down as much as possible. Cordiality right now should be off the table though you don't have to be hostile. Act like he's a business associate.