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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Functioning at work
Jovie
♀ 41956
Member # 41956
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's my busy time at work. I've missed some time due to distractions from BH (calling me at work, being upset so I leave early, and just general distractions from my own thoughts etc.)

I got an email over the weekend that indicates I'm not putting enough time into a certain project. And, I have to leave early tonight because its the only time this week MC can see us.

BH suggested I talk to my bosses to let them know I'm dealing with some personal issues. I'm not sure it will matter, I still need to get my projects done on time. And I don't have any kind of personal relationship with anyone here that I feel would be sympathetic or understanding.

BH agreed to not call me at work anymore, so that should help. I guess I just need to hunker down and get through busy season. And maybe start looking for a new job...


Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13

Posts: 217 | Registered: Jan 2014
turtle72
♀ 21773
Member # 21773
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just had to deal with something similar. I think you should explain that you have been dealing with some personal issues - no need to explain what they are - it could be a major health issue for all they know. The work will still need to get done but at least you are putting it out there that the lack of attention was not due to being professionally incompetent.

I had the same issue with needing to leave early for MC. Offer to come in early on another day or two to make up for the time and let them know you take it seriously.


Me: 41 BS/WW/BS
2 kids 9 & 11, 3 steps 20, 8 and 3
BS 1st DDay 10/14/08, 5 mo. PA w/ MOW
WW 2nd D-Day 3/22/10, my exit A with HS BF
Separated 4/19/10
Married H #2 10/8/11
BS latest Dday 12/28/13 - PA w/ single COW

Posts: 2207 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Massachusetts
HUFI-PUFI
♂ 25460
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jovie - BH suggested I talk to my bosses to let them know I'm dealing with some personal issues. I'm not sure it will matter...

I think my A has cost me three or perhaps four jobs in the past 6 years due to declining work performance.

Generally speaking, my work performance and attitude has suffered ... I've been struggling with a very high level of frustration and anger being misdirected at co-workers, a very defensive attitude regarding my workplace decisions and choices as well as a general all around who gives a flying fuck attitude as I struggled with the roller coaster ride. I thought I was handling it well, but, since I was let go twice in recent years for "undisclosed performance issues", it must have been readily apparent to everyone else..

Seriously, you might as well bring up the "personal issues" with your manager and the HR dept.... generally speaking, you don't need to get into specifics but at least, you have some justification to fall back onto and quite often, HR dept. can help direct you to outside resources that you may not be aware of.

Mind you, it can't protect you, from total job collapse, but it might help. Can't hurt.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3289 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
LifeIsTooWeird
♀ 42093
Member # 42093
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BF is dealing with the same issue. We've both always been real go getters at work. This experience has forced us to step back and take stock of what's important and what can wait another day. He's relaxed as much as possible but is struggling with the hold off, I of course have been struggling too because my supervisors are not interested in what I've done in the past, only what I've done today. I have no intention of telling them my work performance is suffering because my head and heart have been. Me and BF have talked about our work issues and fears of what could happen as a result of declining performance. I'm lucky in that the OW was let go a year ago, but I still get jittery when he has to "work late". I can see that his need to do his job well and focus on what I think at the same time is dividing his concentration and could cause him to lose his job. The step back approach we're taking is more of a do what you can during the day, take home what you can to avoid late night office stays and don't get so focused on work that you ignore everything else. It's been a hard transition for both of us. He is able to take work home, but I'm not in the position to take work home and once I get focused on a project, I find it hard to break away for the day. I feel lazy, but I'm trying. I think, if I didn't have him or my job how would I survive? It's not like we're going to be lazy our whole lives, but time needed to rediscover the reason for living is more important. The rest of it can wait till tomorrow.

[This message edited by LifeIsTooWeird at 12:10 PM, February 17th (Monday)]


Me - GF (38)
Him - BF (33)
DDay - 08/13
Together 8 Years
In R

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014
Autumn22
♀ 41810
Member # 41810
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's my busy time at work. I've missed some time due to distractions from BH (calling me at work, being upset so I leave early, and just general distractions from my own thoughts etc.)

Respectfully, I feel this is significant blame-shifting. Your A is what has caused all these distractions, not your BH.

My SAWH and I have dealt with this a bit. I can get pretty triggered during the day, when his work schedule changes and he forgets/doesn't have time to inform me ahead of time. He is working so hard on his recovery, but demonstrating real-time empathy and de-escalating responses to my triggers is still very much hit or miss for him. That makes me more upset, which he tends to respond to even more inappropriately b/c he starts to panic. And so on...

It's bad enough when that happens at home, but when it happens at work, he basically implodes on all fronts. I have NO desire for him to lose his job but I also don't like my trigger moments brushed off. So we scripted a reply he can use when at work and realizes he can't deal with the situation in the moment. It's an agreed upon code that let's me know he gets that I'm upset and honors it, but that he needs to put it on hold until that night. And then, he really needs to be the one to bring it up ASAP.


Me: BW 45
Him: PA/SA in recovery 42
Married in 2000
Multiple DDs - gory details now in profile

Posts: 70 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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