I feel your pain KatyDo...I really do.
Gently.....the term serial deceiver has some weight to it...like he was actively doing this.
wonder why he still wants to be a different kind of person, when the other way he was came so naturally.
and this
I think some of it comes down to charm, his way of seeming to be what I need at the time.
My thoughts on this are that he, unless he is a deranged, is not fully aware of his actions. Yes he was aware of his choices....but if he is like many WS he has learned to ignore his own feelings.
He still HAS those feelings...and they still influence him....but since he has coped with life by ignoring them he is unaware of factors at play within him.
I get the serial deceiver term in the context that he has for a while now done certain things. Just caution you for assuming the wrong motivator.....maybe its not that it is natural to him so much as has become comfortable to him. Nuance I know...but comfort levels can change a lot easier than natural character traits.
Also, outward appearances can and usually are deceiving. Some of the most outwardly confident people are the most inwardly insecure folks.
Your husband most likely learned this deception, learned to play a role when most of us did....during our formative years. FOO coping mechs are born then.
The big question for a BS is.....can my fWS change to become more aware of their feelings in time to prove to BS a level of commitment they were not capable of before their A. A level that would have prevented their A in the first place, and a level that will prevent future affairs. In your specific case, can your husband look into the WHY he is flirtatious....and can he change his ways to establish boundaries and address what ever he is coping with so that external validation is not a key for him to handle life as an adult.
Coping mechs have their place....when we are kids we simply lack the emotional maturity to handle certain parts of life...so we find ways to mask our hurt and pain. Kicker is, as adults, these get in the way of honest, mature interactions and intimacy.
Peace
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.