I used porn pre-A...wife did with me, we used it by ourselves, since childhood (30 years of it). I am now 12 months porn free. I thought it normal. I thought all men did it. I thought it was harmless. I thought it was tied to a high sex drive. All wrong.
After 2 months of no porn I started to evaluate my own urges...the times when I would use it. More enlightening...the times I CURRENTLY have urges to use it.
Sometimes it was just out of habit, nothing more....but the big player was when I was feeling rejected or abandoned. I used it to fill in relationship gaps inside me....relationship desires within me.
My study into my own brokenness has led me to some very insightful information.
The 7 reasons most men use porn are as follows;
What is noticeably lacking in my study is anything tying porn use to a healthy or over active sex drive.
It appears porn use is NOT about sex....it is about coping with life. Much like alcohol, drugs, compulsive shopping....any of a number of addictive or compulsive type of activity.
I am only 12 months free from porn.
I know others will challenge me that porn is healthy.
I know I drink the occasional beer when I BBQ and I am not a drunk.
But this post is about me and my desire to encourage others to step away from porn.
If you think it not a problem for you...then take 6 weeks off from it. See if you experience the change inside you that I did in me.
If not, well what have you lost....you just proved you are stronger than I am....so either way you win.
Post is mostly to guys....though I have also seen that LIVE PORN is growing fastest with women.....the type where you use video cams and such to see each other online. I cant speak to that type of porn as I have not done that. But the articles I have come across suggest this is more enticing for women because it is more arousing to a woman as their is real eye contact involved....something that traditional video taped type of porn lacks most of the time. I am aware of a genre of porn that has the woman looking right into the camera the whole time. still, not the same as live interactive sex.
I also know porn use is more rampant than anyone can realize....and am hoping that men reading this will be encouraged that they are not the only ones who have been hurt by their own actions.
Every Mans Battle is the book that started me on this journey. Start there.
STARTING my journey is key.....I anticipate this to be a life long commitment.
Again, like a drunk is to a drink....I am to porn. Therapist said I was not classic SA, and that the term is over applied, but I shared some traits.....either way, I know my actions hurt me and it has motivated me to move away from the source that has kept me from feeling and healing pain I should have felt and healed from decades ago.
Mercy on us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 2:37 PM, February 17th (Monday)]