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Wedding rings what did you do?

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Breezy150 posted 2/17/2014 15:51 PM

I took my wedding rings off on DDay which was about six weeks ago. My dilemma is that my sister designs jewelry, she designed and had my ring made with diamonds and sapphires that she already had. Long story short I got a $5000 ring for less than $700. My WH did not ask or arrange for any of this, it was something my sister wanted to do because we were renewing our vows after 24 years of M.
My sister is in terrible health so the whole family holds on a little tighter to things from her.
I was going to have the wedding band taken off and just wear it as a normal ring but I couldn't stand the thought of cutting up the ring my sister made. I can't stand to have it sit in the jewelry box, and I can't stand to wear it on my wedding finger. He was mid EA when we renewed our vows and turned it to a PA right after.
Just wondering what others have done with their rings.

We are working on R, my sister says if I wear it upside down on my right hand it is nothing more than a promise ring, a promise to try.

scarednbroken posted 2/17/2014 16:01 PM

I will be selling mine. As a matter of fact I have already sold the promise ring and one Christmas ring he gave me. I will sell the wedding set after the D There are three anniversary bands that I am trying to sell that are worth over 3000 total - but the only connection these have are to him. There is no loving relative that made them for me and we are not goin for R. They will fund my lawyers fees. I am keeping both the fathers ring he refuses to wear and my mothers ring. Since they are linked to my kids. I may have stones reset from his ring into a mothers necklace.

I think your sisters idea is a good one. Or wear on the right hand instead of left.

Hannah25 posted 2/17/2014 16:18 PM

I am going to have my ring made into a pendant. Why should I waste a nice diamond?

undonelife posted 2/17/2014 16:30 PM

Took my wedding ring off over a year ago & never put it back on. It was my mothers wedding ring. My engagement ring was too small for years & I wore another rring with my wedding band in place of it. We are in R but I don't feel I can wear either ring again. Doesn't mean anything to me now. I'll wait to see if he will suggest another one.

Jls0320 posted 2/17/2014 16:42 PM

Mine are in a drawer right now, I took them off 3 wks ago and although we are trying to reconcile I just can't seem to put it back on yet

Breezy150 posted 2/17/2014 16:49 PM

I did take my sisters advice, looking at it is not as hard as I thought. Because it makes me remember my loving sister's gesture, not my WH.
I won't make any decision about the fate of it until I know what will happen in my M, I do know that it will never be my wedding ring again, but it could stay a promise ring if things work out.
If things do work out he is going to have to pay retail though, no more favors from my sis. Lol.

RealityStinks posted 2/17/2014 16:59 PM

My STBX's engagement ring has a "family stone" as the center diamond. I'll be putting that in the D agreement that I want it back. Probably put the entire set in there.

After removing the family stone, I'll be selling what's left, including my wedding band. I'll give the family stone to my sister.

FoggedIn posted 2/17/2014 17:46 PM

I finally quit forcing myself to wear mine 5 weeks ago. Wh hadn't even noticed I wasn't wearing the ring that's been on my finger for the last 12 years. I mentioned it a couple of days ago and he sorta flipped! Mostly because I appear single without it on. (puke!) I reminded him that I am not Him!

The ring no longer represents what it did when he put it on my finger 12 years ago and it is painful to look at when it is on my finger. If we survive this, I will never be able to wear it again.

The diamonds in it, were his Mothers, so I haven't quite figured out what to do with it either. The idea of giving it to one of our boys for their wife one day, makes me ill! Seriously passing on that kind of karma? NO! But I don't want to look at it. Boy how I wish it was some little something from Zales. That would be easy to deal with, right?

scarednbroken posted 2/17/2014 17:50 PM

Suggestion - stones that are sentimental can be reset. The gold sold for scrap. lol. I would suggest passing to your son the stones and have him choose a setting that is meaningful for him and his fiancée (when the time comes).

(Was this a t/j? I'm still learning the etiquette)

SeaBillowsRoll posted 2/17/2014 18:03 PM

I, too, couldn't wear the rings again. After sitting in fWH's drawer, the stone is now being worn by my future daughter in law. It looks great and I was happy to see them so excited. The metal, still in the drawer. I have new rings now, appropriate for a new relationship we are still working on.

SadInNC posted 2/17/2014 18:31 PM

I took mine off on DDay and even though we are in R, I still cannot put the ring back on. Since WH never wore his, it is a sore subject and I don't think I can ever wear that particular ring again. I will probably sell it.

Since your sister designs jewelry and she knows what's going on, maybe you could ask her to design a different ring for you using the same stones but not a wedding ring. If she doesn't have the strength to do that, could she draw a design? You could always have it done by another jeweler but it would still be her design.

It's a tough call because the ring has a double sentimental meaning for you.

Breezy150 posted 2/17/2014 20:39 PM

Great idea, thank you.
Not deciding anything right this minute, just wondering what other people did and thought.
I also thought about giving the ring to her daughter when she gets married. Keep it in the family, but away from me.
Thanks to all of you.

Sadden in OK posted 2/17/2014 20:41 PM

I wear my on my right hand. My wedding band was my grandmothers. We were really close she gave me the ring when I was 16. No matter what I will never give up my ring.

justme29 posted 2/17/2014 21:29 PM

I just tossed mine in the bottom of the closet after I saw a picture of them on her face book. The picture was taken after D-day, after I said it'd never work unless he got rid of her. He hasn't asked where it is. Although he has commented on my lack of jewelry. Specifically my not even wearing a watch.

iamsoblind42 posted 2/17/2014 21:38 PM

I seriously wanted to give it to my WH so he could pawn it and help pay off the debt he racked up that I did not know about but my IC was quick to point out that he may just spend it and not pay off any of the debt so instead I plan to sell it and take my kids on a vacation. It will never go on my finger again!!!

BryanP37 posted 2/17/2014 21:43 PM

Gave my wedding ring to my younger sister after I flattened it out to melt down into whatever she pleases. My wedding band had an inscription inside that made me want to retch when I read it after Dday. Her wedding ring and engagement rings were both scrapped as well however the stone belonged to her mother.

It will be a while at best, if my ex and I R successfly and decide to remarry, there will be no more elaborate wedding jewelry. Just plain vanilla bands.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 6:54 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Uhtred posted 2/17/2014 22:03 PM

Went right in the garbage.

FoggedIn posted 2/17/2014 22:13 PM

I'm curious as to all of your Wh's wedding bands?

My Wh had his on while he had his tryst with a hooker. When I told him I wasn't wearing mine. I mentioned I would rather he wasn't wearing his since it clearly didn't mean anything to him since he didn't bother to take it off for the whore. Why would it mean anything now.

He took it off for a day, then came home and said he couldn't do it. It drove him crazy all day not wearing it and he put it back on.

I guess I'm torn about it. I want him to take it off, but I don't want him running around without one on either. There's a part of me that wondered if the reason he wanted to put it back on is because he's worried about what people think. I guess we are sort of well known in the community & he is extremely concerned about his image and the image of us as a couple.

So does your Wh wear his wedding ring? Do you want him to? Does he want to?

iamsoblind42 posted 2/17/2014 22:17 PM

I have no idea if my WH wears his. Can't look at him.

Breezy150 posted 2/17/2014 22:24 PM

My WH has never worn one in 24 years. It has always been a sore subject with me. He had a job when we were first married that didn't allow any jewelry while at work because it was dangerous, so he just never wore one. He has 3 I have given him a long time ago.
I think it would really bother me if he wore one during his A, but then again there was no question about his marital status because she was my friend.

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