I'm not leaving, especially since I am only 3 months out, but I don't know how much longer this feeling/non-feeling will last. I am hoping it will go away.
He knows something is up right now, but I haven't told him what I'm feeling. For a few reasons. 1) I don't want to hurt his feelings (ridiculous, I know...but it probably sucks to know your wife is so disgusted with you that she might not even love you anymore) 2) I don't want to be disappointed in his reaction if I open up to him (this has been an ongoing problem for a couple weeks)
Ok I thought there were 1 or 2 more reasons but my son distracted me with his trains and I lost my train of thought....
Anyway, should I say something, or should I wait it out to see if the disgust goes away?
I'm not very interested in counseling. We had a visit with a MC soon after he spilled the beans, and we both thought it was stupid and not helpful. Then I tried a Catholic counselor online for an IC session, and that was equally pointless and not helpful.
I have no problem telling my husband how I feel about things (and never have, I always told him he had the easiest wife ever because I am never a guessing game!). I just didn't know if such negative feelings would be productive to share, or if it would just do more damage.
I ended up emailing him (he is working swing shift right now) and told him the best I could what I'm feeling right now. He said "I'm sorry for what I did, and that I make you something at me. We'll be fin. IJLYATTs." (Before he left he asked if I was mad him, no, sad at him, no, "well you're SOMETHING at me!" yes...lol and IJLYATTS is I just love you all the times...)
Not sure how I feel about his response. I know it's just email and I didn't hear his tone, but it feels a little patronizing to me. I kind of wish it hurt him a little more to know that I am disgusted with him, rather than him just thinking it's nothing and that he'll wait it out and we'll be fine.
I felt like I couldn't tell my WH that I wasn't sure about the success of R and my ambivalence because I couldn't TRUST him. Trust him to understand my roller coaster or trust him NOT to take "the easy way out" - which would have been to revive his A. Trust him to work on us because he has always avoided conflict and what is going to be more unpleasant than what we are going through?
Our MC encouraged us to SCHEDULE talks between us to share our questions and feelings. I told WH that although I couldn't trust him after this betrayal, I felt if I couldn't be honest with him about my feelings, then what's the point of being together?
I pointedly asked him if he had considered D (he said no), but he told AP that "they may have a future together if our marriage doesn't improve".
WTF? He wasn't working on our marriage.
I digress - JustSoSad42: it was very nerve wracking to tell my husband I was ambivalent and considering D, but I am glad I told him.
Again, if I can't be honest with him, what's the point of staying together?
We talked some more about it in bed when he got home from work after we had emailed, and I am feeling a bit better today. More often than not, I feel better when I just talk to him. He wants me to talk to him, encourages me to tell him how I'm feeling, etc. so I don't know why I keep making a big deal about it to myself.
Thanks for "listening" everyone.
I also truly get what you mean about the sticking body parts into another's body. Imagine how it feels for a betrayed husband. More invasive, you might say.
One thing I would mention is to get your feelings out there. Now is no time to back down from your spouse. Its been my experience that a very strong, loud, and assertive confrontation of the wayward's misdeeds is very effective. Right is might.