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MandMs (original poster member #41740) posted at 10:03 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014
If I were to write a letter to the H of my H's MOW how do I word it? I've written about ten different drafts and deleted them all.
Here are the details:
My H and OW were coworkers, they had sex three times in a motel. Her and her husband are swingers/have an open marriage but their arrangement is that she tells him who she is "seeing" and she told my H that her H didn't know what they were up to. This all happened 3+ years ago.
Help! I would like to remain anonymous, is that even possible? 
I'm not sure if I'm even going to go through with this to be honest. I'm still pretty conflicted about this….
BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11
Reconciled!
TennisTC ( member #41330) posted at 12:07 AM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014
I have no personal experience, but I've read the posts of others BS on this website who were in open marriages. For them the betrayal is very real and painful, just like it is for those who are in "more conventional" relationships. So in that sense I would guess the prevailing wisdom that I hear most often on SI (that the OBS has a right to know the truth) would apply regardless of the fact that they were in an open M.
I would just try to stick to the facts as you know them. If you have proof I would include it. If not, maybe give dates or details so the OBS could independently confirm the A.
There is a website you can use to anonymously inform the OBS, and it even allows you to attach proof (though I have not used it myself so I can't give any feedback):
http://cheatersnitch.com/snitch-request-relationship-cheating/
Credit to befuzzled110 for the site reference which was listed in their post in the Investigative Tips forum in October.
Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD 7
R'ing
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 1:19 AM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014
I don't know how you remain anonymous if you need to tell him who your H is to "verify" the open M story you've been told about them. I think you kinda have to name names...
OW's BH called me, or I likely would have never known the truth about my H's A. I will always be grateful that he did that. I will never know if his motives were to get back at my H or his W or just plain out of respect for me that I needed to know. It doesn't much matter why he did, to me it just matters that he did.
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
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