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Newest Member: sadstrawberry (46003)

User Topic: on top of it all i get to be the bad parent
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks jackass.
He gets to be the party fun parent and I get to be the bitch mom from hell disciplinarian. How the f^ck is that fair?
I need advice. My 14yo DS had schoolwork assigned to him on TUESDAY THE 11th before Snowpocalypse 2014. He "forgot" he had it and now wants to stay up until all hours of the night working on it. It is nine pages of algebra
I am inclined to make him go to bed and deal with consequences.
Not what Daddy dearest would do apparently. No. HE would help. HE would stay up w the kid and probably do their work for him.
So do I let my DS fail In order to learn a lesson? He is already behind and his teacher will NOT allow this work to be made up.
I know it is my fault for not checking his backpack but dammit he isn't a toddler.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.


Posts: 1801 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd let him stay up while I went to bed.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10123 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
scarednbroken
♀ 41961
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I HAVE let my kids stay up. But they don't get mom'a help and insight. Tutoring hours end at 10 here. Yes they have consequences. And sometimes being prepared, slightly incorrect, and tired are those. It's prep for college. Lol.

I have also sent and explanation email to the teacher - DS is extra tired die to an all nightie as a result of neglecting his hw. He is learning algebra and natural consequences on his own. Don't go too easy on him. Sincerely, mom

I know the teachers well enough to know their tolerances. And my kids have got it figured out now finally. Although they slip occasionally.


BS: Me 44 WH: 51 Kids: 14, 16, 18, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 420 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
scarednbroken
♀ 41961
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Btw. I'm not D and I am still the big bad parent. BUT I am also the one they listen to. I am also the one they respect and feel bad when they disappoint me. They know where they stand. They know their boundaries. I am not perfect but I try to make sure they know - I am mom. I am trying to make you a good person. Help me. And I will answer if they ask why. (Not just bc I said so!!)


BS: Me 44 WH: 51 Kids: 14, 16, 18, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 420 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hated algebra when I was in school. I am not equipped to help him. But I am trying sigh.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.


Posts: 1801 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's late enough now that I'll assume you dealt with the actual issue somehow.....but:
I know it is my fault for not checking his backpack

No. It's not your fault for "not checking his backpack." As you said...he's not a toddler. He is 14. Getting his homework done is HIS responsibility. I ask my kid when he gets home if he has homework. He answers yes/no. I drop it. I might, later, give a not-so-subtle "remember that you have homework to do and bedtime is at X:xxpm." Bedtime rolls around -- and it is off to bed with him, whether the homework is done or not.

You have my sympathies, though. My stbx was a LOT more...ummmm....enabling(?) when he was around and it made it really difficult but there were some issues about child-raising that I felt really strongly about and I didn't give a flying hoot. Dad will 'help' you with your homework (aka -- give you the answers?) No, he won't. It is YOUR responsibility, DS, we are BTDT on 8th grade algebra. Dad says you can stay up until you get your homework done? Nope. Mom says "go.to.bed...homework isn't done because you forgot about it? That sucks, but I bet you won't let that happen again, right?"

*sigh*....this is bringing back memories of my oldest DS who would come home and knock his homework out right away so that he didn't have to worry about it......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8247 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not your fault.

Can you perhaps put routines in place to help him.... He's possibly dealing with the emotions of the changed family dynamic plus teenage hormones...

Let him stay up and do it alone.

Perhaps suggest he empties his bag every night until he's in the habit of doing it himself


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Topic Posts: 7

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