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on top of it all i get to be the bad parent

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whiteflower99 posted 2/17/2014 20:18 PM

Thanks jackass.
He gets to be the party fun parent and I get to be the bitch mom from hell disciplinarian. How the f^ck is that fair?
I need advice. My 14yo DS had schoolwork assigned to him on TUESDAY THE 11th before Snowpocalypse 2014. He "forgot" he had it and now wants to stay up until all hours of the night working on it. It is nine pages of algebra
I am inclined to make him go to bed and deal with consequences.
Not what Daddy dearest would do apparently. No. HE would help. HE would stay up w the kid and probably do their work for him.
So do I let my DS fail In order to learn a lesson? He is already behind and his teacher will NOT allow this work to be made up.
I know it is my fault for not checking his backpack but dammit he isn't a toddler.

Nature_Girl posted 2/17/2014 20:24 PM

I'd let him stay up while I went to bed.

scarednbroken posted 2/17/2014 20:34 PM

I HAVE let my kids stay up. But they don't get mom'a help and insight. Tutoring hours end at 10 here. Yes they have consequences. And sometimes being prepared, slightly incorrect, and tired are those. It's prep for college. Lol.

I have also sent and explanation email to the teacher - DS is extra tired die to an all nightie as a result of neglecting his hw. He is learning algebra and natural consequences on his own. Don't go too easy on him. Sincerely, mom

I know the teachers well enough to know their tolerances. And my kids have got it figured out now finally. Although they slip occasionally.

scarednbroken posted 2/17/2014 20:37 PM

Btw. I'm not D and I am still the big bad parent. BUT I am also the one they listen to. I am also the one they respect and feel bad when they disappoint me. They know where they stand. They know their boundaries. I am not perfect but I try to make sure they know - I am mom. I am trying to make you a good person. Help me. And I will answer if they ask why. (Not just bc I said so!!)

whiteflower99 posted 2/17/2014 20:58 PM

I hated algebra when I was in school. I am not equipped to help him. But I am trying sigh.

gonnabe2016 posted 2/17/2014 23:50 PM

It's late enough now that I'll assume you dealt with the actual issue somehow.....but:

I know it is my fault for not checking his backpack

No. It's not your fault for "not checking his backpack." As you said...he's not a toddler. He is 14. Getting his homework done is HIS responsibility. I ask my kid when he gets home if he has homework. He answers yes/no. I drop it. I might, later, give a not-so-subtle "remember that you have homework to do and bedtime is at X:xxpm." Bedtime rolls around -- and it is off to bed with him, whether the homework is done or not.

You have my sympathies, though. My stbx was a LOT more...ummmm....enabling(?) when he was around and it made it really difficult but there were some issues about child-raising that I felt really strongly about and I didn't give a flying hoot. Dad will 'help' you with your homework (aka -- give you the answers?) No, he won't. It is YOUR responsibility, DS, we are BTDT on 8th grade algebra. Dad says you can stay up until you get your homework done? Nope. Mom says " isn't done because you forgot about it? That sucks, but I bet you won't let that happen again, right?"

*sigh*....this is bringing back memories of my oldest DS who would come home and knock his homework out right away so that he didn't have to worry about it......

Sadmumma posted 2/18/2014 08:44 AM

It's not your fault.

Can you perhaps put routines in place to help him.... He's possibly dealing with the emotions of the changed family dynamic plus teenage hormones...

Let him stay up and do it alone.

Perhaps suggest he empties his bag every night until he's in the habit of doing it himself

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