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Ivyivy posted 2/17/2014 20:58 PM

I am trying to understand why I hate my WH's parents. I know that what WH did is not their fault. I have not spoken to them since Dday (7 months ago). We were not particularly close before, occasional phone calls and calls on birthdays/holidays, visits once or twice a year. It was not a particularly warm relationship but it was respectful. WH did not tell them about his A or about some serious medical issues that he was diagnosed with a few days after Dday. I think at this point they have likely heard about what happened from his siblings (not sure). I cannot seem to get past the hate. My thought is that I am displacing my anger for my WH.

Ellejay posted 2/18/2014 07:46 AM

Hi Ivy, sorry to see you are having to deal with all this.

The relationship with In-Laws is greatly tested after Dday. Very few in-laws will rally round the BS but it can happen for the lucky few. They will probably go into denial and rugsweep, find every reason to lay blame your way. It is just one more relationship that gets battered thanks to the WS's behavior. I have spent the last 3 years in total bewilderment over my MILs silence and inability to recognize what her son has done. Sadly she passed away last month so now it is futile to even wonder what she really thought.

Try not to lay blame their way, they are probably mortified but just don't have the tools to deal with it. Just concentrate on looking after YOURSELF and giving your energies to that. Don't waste time wondering what they think, what they are doing or saying. You will just end up emotionally and physically exhausted and you have enough work on your hands.

Give yourself a hug today and realize that everything you are feeling right now, the anger, the hurt, the confusion - is all normal. It is living process but you will work through it.

Keep posting here and taking care of yourself.

Hugs to you.


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