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Newest Member: shatteredheart3 (61850)

User Topic: More than once????
Member # 42493
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DDay was 17 Jan. I found out my husband had been cheating on me on his recent deployment and continued under my nose when he got home. You know the story. “Just friends” that would text all night long while he was sitting next to me on the couch. Going to take her and her boy to the airport but not asking me to go with. Waited for me to be out of town so he could go over to her house.

He finally told me and tried to be as open about everything as he could. He said I could have access to all his emails, his texts and his Facebook. He just leaves himself logged in all the time….why I didn’t think to look before he told me, I don’t know. I would have found several emails between them overseas that he forgot to delete that were disgusting (and on my birthday) and one that said how easily he could ditch me. He said when he got home and saw me everything changed and he fell back in love with me and wanted to work on things, but he couldn’t break it off until he told me because he “needed my help”. We’ve been trying to work on things, but I’ve been having huge issues dealing, so much so that he went by himself to see his family and I stayed home because I will spontaneously burst into tears and i didn’t know what we would tell his family.

Well, since I still don’t trust him and wanted to see if there was anything else going on, I went into his email account tonight and looked back at emails where he told his best friend what he had done and then said “we already know what a piece of s#!@ I am for Wendy (not her real) name”. This is NOT the woman he told me cheated on me with. He also said “we’ve both cheated a bunch of times” in reference to he and I.

I had kissed another guy earlier in his deployment, he found out and I came clean, but nothing else happened.

Should I confront him about this? Or pretend I never saw it? Because I don’t know that I want to know the answer and I’m pretty sure I’ll leave him if I find out he had an affair before he even left.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 41575
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask him about it. If he really wants to be with you he needs to come clean about everything. I know I found out things over a few weeks period. They call it trickle truth. Read the healing library. It has so much good information that really helped me.

So sorry you are dealing with this. Stay strong and kniw you are not alone.

Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd lay low and gather more info, then confront him in a "I know there is more. If you don't tell me everything right now, I am filing for D *today*" way. I wish I'd done that. Also - never ever reveal your sources.

Good luck and (((((hugs))))) - please be sure you are taking good care of yourself.


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 42493
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would be nearly impossible to gather any info on what I think might be the first one. It would have had to have happened before his deployment, so over a year ago. Unless I called her or his best friend up (and i'm sure neither would give any info) there's really no way to know for sure unless he tells me himself.

The more recent one pretty much took up all his deployment.

So i'm kinda lost. There was only that one mention of her in the email, but even the friend didn't respond about it.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're going to have to ask him about it at some point.

Because I don’t know that I want to know the answer

You already *know* the answer, and there is no way to *unknow* it...whether he ever actually confirms it or not.

Pointer: forward anything that you find in his email to an email account of your own that he does NOT have access to....and 'hard-copy' print it also.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 5

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