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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Same old story
justme29
♀ 41284
Member # 41284
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have years worth of stories I have never told anyone. But when I look around it seems like they are all on here. The lies and betrayals are all here. I just don't "get it". If he wants someone else, if I'm boring, if she's fun, if I am not enough, why not just say so. Why lie repeatedly. I asked how long has it been going on. I could have walked away then. He said nothing is going on. She's just a friend. When I said I'm not ok with it I'll never be ok with it. He said she's just a friend.

Why do I get to try to make things better? I wasn't good enough. I need to "trim up". I need to clean the house better. He doesn't even want to come home. I need to make him feel better. Why doesn't he think he needs, to make it up to me? Ya, we went on 3 dates right after D-day. 3 nights in a row. After ignoring me for 3 years. Then that's it. He betrayed me. He had the affair. All I asked was stop talking to her. Stop texting her. Stop f-ing her. What do I get? More lies. He tries to hide it better. He doesn't text in front of me. His phone is always on silent. Yet he still has 3,000 more or less texts on the phone bill. After having 99.5% of texts with her, his usage is almost as much but he wants me to believe he's not talking to her. He's texting his brothers and his friends. Maybe 100 of them are between us.

We always had a great sex life. Even while the affair was going on we were very active. Before, even when I was mad at him, I had the attitude of why should I go without. I never withheld sex or played those kind of games. After D-day I had the mind movies and had times when I just went with it. I thought we could get it back.

Then there's the triggers. Forth of July. First time I caught him in an all out lie. He was at her apartment. Said he was at his dads. My birthday. Remember the one he had stuff to do, couldn't go with us. Pretty sure he was with her. Going to nieces wedding reception. Again he couldn't go. I lied about how busy he was. Driving by the freeway entrance. I remember the time he claimed he was just getting off the freeway. But I had already seen his truck parked somewhere. There are so many of them.

[This message edited by justme29 at 5:25 PM, April 13th (Sunday)]


Justme
BS - 49
WH -50
Married 30 years.
2 daughters, 1 granddaughter.
D-Day 11-14-11
Why am I still here?

Posts: 41 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Idaho
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, justme, looking at your tag line...what is the answer to why you are still there? I think you know you will be happier without him in the end.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
justme29
♀ 41284
Member # 41284
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reasons or excuses?

I don't see that I gain anything by leaving. It's not like I want to be free to find some one else.

If I leave that will just free WH up to be with OW.


Justme
BS - 49
WH -50
Married 30 years.
2 daughters, 1 granddaughter.
D-Day 11-14-11
Why am I still here?

Posts: 41 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Idaho
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I leave that will just free WH up to be with OW.

(((((HUGS)))))

That may be true, sweetie, but do you want to share your husband? You deserve better. You don't deserve to be second.

When I left my FWH because he would not give up his "friend" - he defogged pretty quickly. Discovered the grass was not greener.

I know it's hard. I've been married a long time too. Hardest thing I've ever had to do (profile tells whole story)...but I just could not accept another person in my marriage.

Many hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5173 | Registered: May 2007
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see that I gain anything by leaving. It's not like I want to be free to find some one else.

You don't have to want to be with someone else to not want to be in your current, toxic (IMO) situation.

You imply you are staying almost to punish him, to keep him from the OW. But you are really only punishing yourself.

And if you were free, you could work on re-finding yourself. What an amazing discovery that would be.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5

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