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Unagie posted 2/18/2014 03:46 AM

I went out today with my BFF and a friend of hers I am friendly with. We were talking and my breakup came up. I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and k felt disgusted. A couple hours later I find out the guy she is messing with has a girlfriend and she knows this. She is an OW...I got so mad internally. We went to dinner had some more honest convo about my abhorrent past behaviors to which I said I made bad choices and am trying to change. Not the first time I've been judged for this but it came as a blow.

HUFI-PUFI posted 2/18/2014 06:08 AM

Unagie - I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and I felt disgusted ...

A lot of people are quite judgmental in nature and seemingly quite proud of the fact. They revel in a smug superiority of "well, i never" attitude that denies the reality that under different circumstances, under different situations, their morality is not guaranteed to last any better than anyone else.

And yet, inside of the WS heart, you can understand the judgement and the vilification. We broke sacred trusts, we hurt our lovers, spouses and partners to the core. Adultery is one of the 10 commandments and at a certain time, historically, we would all have suffered grievous harm at the hands of the spouses, their families, our churches and the community. That bias still exists in our reptile brain. To a outsider, its like we have broken a fundamental rule of nature with our affairs and therefore, we should be judged. Yecch..

However, as Floridaredman says, this is one of those consequences of adultery that we must face.

Sorry you have to go through this.

HUFI

itainteasy posted 2/18/2014 09:51 AM

So wait a minute....the girl that was disgusted by your choices is an OW herself? Did I read that correctly? If so:

Hi there Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle.

Good for you for owning your past behaviors and choices, and for admitting that you're flawed. You're trying to change. It is evident in everything you do.

I don't even know you, Unagie, but I can see your growth.

(((((Unagie)))))

Brandon808 posted 2/18/2014 10:26 AM

@Unagie,
She isn't judging you for your cheating. She is judging you for your remorse. She is judging you for your own self-judgment. You are not excusing the cheating and just being around someone who is self-accountable makes an unremorseful person uncomfortable. jmho

EvolvingSoul posted 2/18/2014 13:24 PM

Brandon nailed it.

Unagie posted 2/18/2014 18:09 PM

Yes you read that correctly. Thank you Yuri and itainteasy. Brandon I think you're right. It was a slip of the tongue that I even found out she was an OW so..yeah.

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