Upsetdad - I fear our marriage wont survive. I don't know what to do.
This comes from fear. Fear of loosing your wife. Fear of loosing yourself. Fear. But becoming paralyzed by fear is not going to fix things.
May I suggest that you start off by reading the following posts. They're full of very helpful suggestions about helping support your wife as she tried to cope with this overwhelming hurt and things that you can do for yourself.
As as suggested by BrokenButTrying, you need to respect her decisions in the upcoming days. You created the mess and now, you have to live with the consequences.
Please take care of yourself, don't medicate your pain and guilt and shame with alcohol or drugs, find someone to talk with and get into IC (individual counselling) to start your healing journey. And stop lying. Each episode of TT (Trickle Truth) is like resetting the clock back to day one. You don't want that.
NewAttitude - stop thinking of yourself as a barrel and start thinking of yourself as a well. We are all wells with unplumbed depths that are hidden and ready to be tapped for reserve during bad and stressful situations. Don't limit yourself by imaging you are a barrel. You are a well and you can dig in and go as deep and far as she needs you to. There is no end to our abilities.