Edited for grammar
[This message edited by outside4me at 11:50 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
I still think the internet, cell phones and social media sites are a gateway towards facilitating cheaters. Certainly not implying that without those things, cheaters wouldn't cheat...they just make it a little easier.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
I HATE FB private messaging. At least with texts, its on my phone records.
I hate it.
My grandmother used to say that computers would be the ruination of us all. I used to laugh at that.
Technology is a tool. I'm the tech geek in the family. He's sort of all thumbs. I still think it's about boundaries and morality.
The story of Don Juan was first written in 1630.
Shakespeare's plays are chock-full of infidelity.
The Book of Exodus (1400 BC) has the 10 Commandments, which includes the 7th. Would this have been necessary if it wasn't common behavior?
Does technology make it easier? Of course. Easier to do, and easier to get caught, sometimes, too.
I'm just not convinced that making it easier makes it more common. It could just shorten the cycle from idea to thought to plan to execution, or the number or choice of partners.
And really, is the thought here something like "Well, my WS would have been faithful in the 60's, 70's, and 80's, but all this high-tech caused him to cheat."?
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
I'm not saying technology is bad. In fact, I consider this website to be a profoundly beneficial resource, and can't imagine where I would be right now in my journey to heal without it.
TrustedHer: "And really, is the thought here something like "Well, my WS would have been faithful in the 60's, 70's, and 80's, but all this high-tech caused him to cheat."? Where are you getting that? What we're saying is that it POSSIBLY makes it easier. Yours is the first post I've read here that wasn't at least respectful in disagreement, but that's cool... to each their own. At least pay us the courtesy to read carefully what is being posted and not assume you know what someone else is thinking.
The WS FB-befriending of an old flame.
The WS saying things via text message and chatting that they would never say IRL that 'upped the ante' on sexual tension.
The sly flirting w/out the fear of face-to-face rejection.
The "I like you" or "I love you", again, uttered without fear of immediate rejection.
I imagine that the internet and phones definitely lends themselves to the first few steps down the slope.
However, it does make it easier to get caught. Case in point: How many of us here have spouses who were cheating at work (or with a coworker), where it may have been kind of an open secret already? How many of us caught our WS via text records, or keyloggers, or internet histories? If I had to make an actual guess, technology may have increased the infidelity rate a tiny bit, but I think it's much more likely that the rate is near what is historically has been, and now there are just more ways to get caught.
Trust is lost in buckets and regained in drops.
FWIW, my IC (also a MC) told me that FB has dramatically increased his client base. That now, a good majority of his client's APs come from FB. He said it's the absolute worst thing to happen to marriages. It's too easy to check up on that old high school flame. The girl/guy you have your first crush on at a time when life was easier (fewer responsibilities, no kids, whatever). Of course it seems "greener". One "innocent" "how've you been" turns into chatting back and forth, and then, BAM! You're having an EA, and then you're planning on meeting somewhere to begin the PA.
But, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You should be able to trust your spouse with all the technology in the world. I've got access to everything my STBX did/does, and I've not cheated on her.
I can promise you this though: if and when I ever get serious with someone again, and I notice strange behavior with regard to her phone, it's over.
Strange cell phone behavior is the "lipstick on the collar" of the twenty first century.
It's a hell of a lot easier to find someone when they're lying about where they are. Getting tagged on social sites, GPS, you name it.
The combustion engine facilitated cheating just as much. How do you know your spouse was driving where they said they were?
The efficiency of a tool is always only as good as the one employing it. Someone with a horse and a good shot with a bow 500 years ago could be a lot more effective at lying and hiding than someone with a cell phone and secret email account today. Everything matches its own time.
Yours is the first post I've read here that wasn't at least respectful in disagreement, but that's cool... to each their own.
Wow, really? TH is one of the most respectful members here on SI. He offered a different opinion, in a question format. There's nothing disrespectful about that.
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect