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A comment by hexed on another thread got me thinking about this. She said that sometimes she uses "too much of a good thing". Fine, you want to play that game instead of do what you need to? Then that is ALL you will do.

My sons wouldn't practice their piano, because they "forgot". So, I bought small padlocks. Told them if they missed more than 2 days in a row, I would unplug the xbox, put a padlock through the hole on the plug, and send the key with their step dad to work, so they couldn't nag me about playing all week. I should mention here, they asked for piano lessons. I haven't made them take them. And taking away the lessons isn't really an option, because X's mom is a piano teacher, she'll still give them. So, it's been a month now. Not once have they forgotten to practice.

So let's hear it, what parenting tips have worked for you, that you are unlikely to find in a book?

I got tired of picking up after my husband and kids (then teens, now young adults).

My (now longstanding) rule is when I do my tidying up, if there's anything out of place (papers, games, etc on the table or floor), it gets thrown out. It only took once or twice of someone having to dig their items out of the dirty trash can before it stopped occurring.

Another one:

I do most of the cooking in my household, so I do very little dishwashing. The exception to that is while I cook, I clean up after myself as I go. With that in mind the only real dishes are the cups, plates etc that are used during meals.

My rule for cooking: I refuse to cook in a dirty kitchen. So, if the sink is full of dirty stuff when it is time for me to make dinner, you must not be hungry!

The kitchen is usually clean by the time I get home from work.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 1:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

Also...I don't make threats- I make promises.

So if I tell my teen to clean his room or his favorite XBox game is going on eBay, he knows I'm dead serious.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 1:27 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

The best advise is to know your child's currency and follow thru with consequences.

For my DD16 it is me making her food, even something as simple as a cup of tea. She knows how to make it and can make it herself, but she gets some sort of joy when I make it for her. She will wait an hour for something just so *I* make it for her. Very strange, but I use it to my advantage. If she starts getting sassy, I tell her to check her attitude or I will not cook for her the next day. She gets right back into line. Oh, and if she complains about a meal I make, no cooking for a week!

I'm full of them today....

when my DS18 was about 4 he was a champion tantrum thrower. they would go on for hours. it was AWFUL. one of these tantrums involved throwing toys at the bedroom door. I calmly told him not to do that and if he did it again those toys would be taken away. He went full boar on throwing toys at the door. I waited about 10 minutes; took a laundry basket in and put all those toys in it. Then I packed him and the toys into the car and made him walk into the goodwill store with me and donate them. He has NEVER forgotten that.

He was mostly an easy kid to deal with but he always knew that I meant business.

I finally gave in at some point to natural consequences. Let me explain. I nagged and nagged about homework and it was such a battle with dd. Her teacher told me "Just don't" when she was in 7th grade. So I didn't. Even though it almost physically hurt to not organize her stuff for her. There were several uncomfortable months of her forgetting everything, and getting some bad marks, and then voila.. SHE got sick of it and finally took things seriously. My best lesson for an older child is in some cases, you have to let them fall on their butt a bit.

My parents, evil people that they are, did this to me:

When I was in 7th grade, my sister (in 6th grade) and I got in the habit of sneaking out at night and meeting our friend a block away at the neighborhood school's playground. We would pop out the screen to our window, put our bunkbed ladder out and crawl down. We hid the bunkbed ladder in the bushes, hung out with our friend (we were such rebels...we drank hot chocolate and ate cookies) and then would sneak back in.

I think we got away with this 2 or 3 times.

The next time, however, the ladder was not in the bushes and the porch light was on.

We were in a panic, searching for a way to get in and back into bed. But those evil parents had locked every door and removed the hidden keys.

There was nothing left but to ring the door bell.

When the door opened, we prayed for a swift death. My dad answered the door, in his bathrobe...my mom was in her bathrobe sitting on the coach. Dad had three words for us, "Get. To. Bed." My mom just stared us down.

We did not sleep the rest of the night. We cried and worried what our punishment was going to be. By morning we had ourselves worked up into a nearly frenzied state. God, I can still feel how slowly I walked out into the kitchen that morning, that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. We walked into the kitchen and there was my dad, making us breakfast! We eyed the food suspiciously. He acted as if nothing happened. We were so freaking confused. FInally, I asked him what he was going to do to us. He looked at us, dead on and said, "I think you've both suffered enough, don't you?" We completely agreed and never tried anything like that ever again.

Oh and I have one more.

When I was 5 or 6, I was talking back to my dad and then I stuck my tongue out at him. I don't know how he managed it, but he grabbed my tongue and held it (didn't pull or anything...just held on to it) and said, "You are *never* going to stick your tongue out at me again."

He was right...never did that again!!

Whenever my children walk into a room where I am, I smile at them and greet them like they are EXACTLY what I had been hoping to see.

Rebreather, I love your idea. I think that's so important.

I learned how important empathy is. Validating your child's feelings (or anybody's for that matter) goes a long way. It often diffuses a potentially explosive or emotional situation, just knowing that they are heard. Sometimes that's all they need.

ETA Meta, I took a parenting class once, and that was the main point. It's hard to see your kid leave the house without a hat on a freezing day, but a couple of times with them freezing their ears off they'll probably wear one the next time!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:01 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

Whenever my children walk into a room where I am, I smile at them and greet them like they are EXACTLY what I had been hoping to see.

Rebreather, I think this is one of the best descriptions of being loved I have ever heard.

For the child who felt that slamming her bedroom door was the appropriate expression of her emotions, and since I'd warned her several times already to knock it off...

...I took the door off the hinges. No more slamming.

When nothing else is working I say if you are not going to be a good child I am not going to be a good mum. Then I sit down with my crochet or the iPad and don't do any mum things that they expect me to do. It's never long before they need something and then we talk about how it's best for us all if I try and be a good mum and they try and be good kids.

When my brother and I fought, my dad made us sit on the steps quietly and hold hands for a LOOOONG period of time.

We can just ask our 7 year old.

11 year old is mercurial. What works one day suddenly fails a week later.

There was The Summer Of No Video Games recently. Enforcing the most dire of threats doesn't help deter future tomfoolery, sadly.

Oh, just last week I told them if they didn't clean up their Magic: The Gathering cards I would take the best cards from their decks and use them in my own. "NOT THE DOOR OF DESTINY PLEASE NO"

Giving ADD boy his own watch has actually been pretty helpful.