I find myself appreciating all the good things in my relationship---H is very attentive, commutative, remorseful, supportive, patient....I appreciate it so much because when he is gone or he is sick and is unable to give me that level of attention, I dwell on the bad. I dwell on the past facts I can't change and he can't change. I need to focus on the fact that he could change them if he could and he has made changes, big changes for the better since.
H has a sports tournament coming up this weekend. AP's father plays in the tournament. Our deal is, if AP is there, he has to leave. It's H's team. He runs it. This is hard for him, but important to me (at least this year). When we were discussing it he said we could e-mail AP and reaffirm the agreement they made (she's already broken that agreement once). I don't think we should involve her in our plan at all. She's messed up. She liked it when I was around them both during the A because she liked the special secret they shared and that he chose her over me and she would come and intrude herself into our conversations which I thought was odd at the time, but now know she is....messed up. While talking to our MC about this our MC said that to me it probably seems like H just wants to contact AP. I didn't think that at all. I think he realizes who she is now. But then I was questioning myself, questioning him. What do I know? I'm the person who said, "I don't think you would ever contact her without telling me." and he said no he wouldn't and then contacted her 45 times. Ughhh. I'm so confused, scared, hurt, and angry. Three steps forward, two steps back---reconcilation takes so long and is so difficult.
Affair season is a month away. I hope I'm strong enough.
[This message edited by lucy17 at 3:35 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
