Yesterday morning my wife used f-you several times towards me....I did not return the favor. A few months ago that would escalate my emotions....this time I sat with the pain and refrained from anger. I engaged her, didn't shut down....but didn't escalate it. Very uncharacteristic of me....at least not how I have been most of the time post-DD.
I, too, wonder what this is about....
I am at 19 months.
I am both pleased that I can take full on rejection by my wife and remain calm....and concerned that my heart is hardening.
I pray for courage to keep my heart soft and open....to stay in contact with the kind and optimistic man I know I am.....to avoid becoming one of the many life-jaded people I know.
Meanwhile, in the rest of my world, I am stronger. I have dealt with strong union issues as well as a severe project over run...both substantially stressful....but handled both with grace. Boldly but humbly admitting my role in the shortfalls in each and finding new solutions to right the ship.
So I know healthy growth has and continues to happen within me.
Regardless of how poorly I can explain how much this post resonates with me....it does resonate with me.
That strange feeling you speak of.....I have a taste of that myself....started about 2 weeks ago but is staying with me......
However, I do know I have more pain to feel...still spontaneously cry....so something is buried deeper in me then I have dug still yet. I expect to slip back a bit, but am living in the present.....will claw my way back up if and when I do slip back.
Good to hear from you crazyblindsided...been a while.
God is with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]