My question is do his reasons sound valid? Like real reasons to R? Is this him finding empathy for me & kids for the pain he caused us?
Do you share your ups and downs with him? If e knows you're ambivalent and just keeps doing the right things, I'd take that as a sign of big time commitment.
But that's based just on what you're saying here.
I am not sure when your dday was, but my H's understanding of what he did deepens all the time, and is bittersweet I think due to how close we are becoming. He says that during the affair he only had about a 1% handle on the pain he was actually inflicting. He knew it theoretically, but not actually.