Topic: Waht is the most "tainted" day of the affair?
Member # 8291
| Posted: 5:53 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
What day, holiday, event, do you find to be the most tainted of all days when you look back at your WS's affair?
I ask this because Valentines Day just passed and this IS the most tainted of all the days during h's a with our neighbor. It is like a stab in the heart even 10 years later. I still remember going out early that Valentine morning to get h his favorite cookies from the bakery to have with his morning coffee. I brought him the box of goodies only to have him ask me "if I was going to the store that day" and if I was, "could I buy a bottle of Bailey's" so he could take it over to whore's husband (who was his best friend) ( I was still unaware of their a)
When I asked him why he wanted to do that he told me it was because "she" would always put Bailey's in his coffee the mornings he would go over there. He said he thought it would be a nice gesture to give her h a new bottle of Bailey's. (looking back I realize the Bailey's was going to be a gift for ow not her h. And it was a way for him to go over there with a purpose of sorts.
Needless to say it didn't go over so well when he asked me. I think he was a little taken when I told him if he wanted to get Lloyd some Bailey's then go the fuck and get it himself. As it stood, I never even got a card that day let alone a bottle of booze.
So needless to say, Valentines Day is NEVER celebrated around here and never will be. Even after these many years.
P.S. How's about WHAT is the most tainted day, not WAHT. ha ha ha ha. I type way tooooo fast.
[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:00 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
Posts: 2509 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 13224
| Posted: 6:15 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Hands down it would have to be our trip to Disney. I had never been and I decided that if I was only going to get to go once, I was going to go big and do it right. I spent a small fortune and spent literally *months* planning it so that no experience would be missed or overlooked because I wanted it to be awesome for the kids. Now I know that the A was going on and I can't look at the pictures without thinking about it.
Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives
*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*
Posts: 10288 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
Member # 41961
| Posted: 6:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Well..... Let's see, every one of my birthdays I have seen phone records of him talking to be a total of 2 minutes, and about 50 txt or pic msgs or longer phone calls to OWs. (Last 15 years).
Our anniversary means nothing. How can it when the vows meant nothing.
Valentines, I think he super soiled it this year bc he got four women (that I know of) cards - me, his mom, my bf (the one he wants to "tap,") and his cafe hussie. This year he didn't even bother with a gift for me. IDK what his OWs got.
The thing is he always gets me a mushy card, and when I read them, I scoff at the blatant lies it holds. He is also never around to see my reaction. Probably guilt.
Christmas is also one of those non-sacred holidays for him. He spent every moment on his phone this year. Didn't even take the time to watch kids open gifts (actually didn't get me anything at all.)
I think he just about ruins every holiday or celebration or bad moment (funerals, hospital stays, etc.) with his habit he can't break.
BS: Me 44 WH: 51 Kids: 14, 16, 18, 29 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for
Posts: 422 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 42110
| Posted: 6:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
To me the most tainted day is our anniversary. The A has made that day entirely meaningless and a painful reminder of H's betrayal. After that pretty much birthdays and holidays all hold a slightly lesser level of hurt. Luckily I have not really associated the A with any days in particular (yet).
Him - WH
DS - 11 and DD - 15
Posts: 261 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
Member # 40699
| Posted: 6:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I think it will probably be my youngest birthday, August 16th. I was less than a month away from delivery on Dday. Wh was still in contact with COW at that time and actually sent her pics of our son right after he was born.
Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."
Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 41724
| Posted: 6:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Not sure yet. Luckily for me there were no big days or holidays during the A. The EA went on for part of the summer, though. Don't know what I'll feel like this summer, thinking about what he was thinking/doint last year.
DDay was a couple of weeks before my birthday. My mom was visiting for my birthday, and I hadn't yet confronted him, so I spent the weekend acting like everything was hunky dory.
He was already trying to pull away from the OW at the time so he was spending time with me. Phone logs showed he didn't call or text her that weekend, so I think I'll be ok next year.
Our Anniversary is coming up. Not sure how I feel about it. He's working so hard at R, but I just don't know what will happen when the day rolls around.
I guess I just don't know yet. Maybe next year I'll know.
Me: BW 50
Him: WH 50
Married 21 years
Four awesome kids
EA Began 6/2013 PA 8-9/2013 (4 meetings) DDay 9/10/2013
OW : "friend" - older, fatter and uglier than me.
Working on R
Posts: 59 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: usa
Member # 30817
| Posted: 6:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I'm sure it is a tie between several, but I would have to say a trip to Hawaii with his whole family. Our kids had the time of their lives with their cousins, and it should have been one of the happiest trips of our time together. But I was in misery the entire time and I had no idea why. And when I said something, he was a total fucking dick. Told me I was embarrassing. Nice. Oh, I'm getting all worked up, lol.
He has since apologized up one side and down the other. I'm to the point of considering taking us back to the same resort for a re-do. He totally ruined my memory of swimming with the dolphins. Jerk.
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Posts: 6872 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 41717
| Posted: 6:45 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Let's see, where do I begin? His affair allegedly got started a few days after our anniversary at the end of October (my favorite time of year), my DDay was on Thanksgiving and I kicked him out and went into an emotional tailspin right before Christmas. I then spent his bday and mine (both in January) without him. The better question is which day did he NOT try and fuck up?
[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 7:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
Me: BS 30
Together 10 yrs, Married for 3
DDAY: Thanksgiving 2014, intercepted a message from COWs BF.
Divorced June 2014
Posts: 228 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nj
Member # 39803
| Posted: 6:48 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Mother's Day --
I was feeling so low last year -- couldn't figure out why. . . felt so abandoned, and thought it had to do with my 9-year old son growing up, or my mom being gone. . .I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Turns out, the PA kicked off the day after. So, I felt his disconnect on a visceral level, but didn't know what the heck was going on. And dday was the day after Father's Day, so that one is gonna suck as well!!
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
Posts: 2497 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 8291
| Posted: 6:55 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Posts: 2509 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 41102
| Posted: 6:56 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
My birthday, since that's the day I found them together and learned about the A
DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, together 14
DS 5, DD 3
Slowly working through the world's longest and slowest divorce
Posts: 70 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
Member # 41775
| Posted: 7:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Probably our anniversary.
WH got my "friend" to watch our kids overnight when our other sitter backed out last minute. This was the same "friend" he had a ONS with (and probably an ongoing EA of sorts) a month prior. Discovering the texts between WH and his BFF about how f'ing depraved it was that he set that babysitting arrangement up was how I got my second DDay. (Although it sounded more like he was bragging to me.)
To make the occasion even more special, text records showed that he texted both her and a girl he'd met up with a couple weeks earlier (while he was out-of-town) while we were out "celebrating", off and on all night.
[This message edited by SpotlessMind at 9:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
Married: 12 yrs
Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
Member # 21773
| Posted: 7:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
With WH#1 it was our wedding anniversary. Some folks from work offered to drive the one hour each way trip to watch the kids so we could go out to celebrate our 9th anniversary. We went out to dinner and it was a disaster. Miserable night, he was just a complete dick and I didn't understand why. Dday would be a few days later. It turned out she had wanted to see him that night and he texted her from our anniversary dinner that he couldn't because he "had I be out with Turtle." I would have had a better night if he had seen her and I went alone.
With WH#2 it will be Christmas. Not sure how to get Jesus to change his bday or my kids to no want to celebrate anymore.
Me: 41 BS/WW/BS
2 kids 9 & 11, 3 steps 20, 8 and 3
BS 1st DDay 10/14/08, 5 mo. PA w/ MOW
WW 2nd D-Day 3/22/10, my exit A with HS BF
Married H #2 10/8/11
BS latest Dday 12/28/13 - PA w/ single COW
Posts: 2207 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 33338
| Posted: 7:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Our anniversary is December 14. My birthday is December 27. In 2010, some very close friends' 24 year old son was killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve. I sang and directed music for his funeral on my birthday.
The next day, I found an email he had written on our anniversary to Whoreible. (Of course, I didn't know who she was at that time... just knew it wasn't written to me.)
So the entire 2 week period from our anniversary to my birthday was crapped on.
We did reclaim it by renewing our vows on our anniversary in 2011, but the timing still makes me
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 18 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.
Posts: 3107 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 30396
| Posted: 8:22 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
One period...two dates. Thanksgiving...he was in the middle of his A on Thanksgiving...it was the first Thanksgiving after my Mom died. Normally, we had a big gathering at my house. However, went to our son's house with their friends(obvious we were intruding) then he treated me awfully....then the couple of weeks after Thanksgiving getting ready for Christmas. He took a day of to "go shopping for me" and made a big deal of it...only to go meet up with her in a hotel after he was done shopping. I hate any Christmas gifts from him now...
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
Posts: 1824 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 42196
| Posted: 8:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
New Year's Eve/Day.
I was waiting for her to get on Skype for our "kiss" she was waiting on her other Skype for him to give him one. Then they had sex on New Year's day after she had talked to me and said she was going to sleep.
New Year's was probably my second favorite holiday. Well, it just boosts St. Patty's up a spot.
Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
DDay:January 16, 2014
Posts: 136 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
Member # 41038
| Posted: 8:29 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
My Birthday & Christmas. Yeah, a double header. First, my 40th Bday - I got a cake and a card that you would get from a group of people in an office from my husband. He claimed he liked the joke. Really, he had a girlfriend, so a lovey dovey card would have been wrong I guess. Christmas - we watched the movie 'The Town' together. Had a really nice time. He went outside after and sent her Merry Christmas messages. The EA was long over, but he'd throw her a text here and there to make her remember that he dumped her. More ego boosting, I guess. DDay was 4 days later. Nice, huh?
Posts: 2081 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 35624
| Posted: 8:33 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
August 18th, the day after my birthday. Anniversary of my father's death from a sudden, massive stroke. DDAY was just about 2 weeks before my dad died. One rough year.
Its the worst day mostly for losing my dad, but also because WH went to see OW the night my dad died. We turned off the respirator. My mom sent all us kids home so she could be alone with my dad while he passed. I got the call later that evening he had passed away quietly.
WH went out to see "her" while I was crying hysterically about my dad. Guess he felt he was there "enough" since he took me to the hospital to see my dad and say my good-bye.
Double whammy of a day.
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Posts: 952 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 13447
| Posted: 8:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I've only realized it in the past couple of the years.
My birthday. MrH told me on June 19, 1999 that he loved my friend. I can't even remember what we did for my b-day five days later. I'm pretty sure nothing. It was a gradual and subtle shift but I began hating myself, hating the day and eventually hating being born. My birthday had become a day of pain and regret of being alive and I didn't even connect it to d-day from '99 until year before last. Now I'm trying to shift my attitude towards the day I was born but it's not easy.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
Posts: 11465 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 42140
| Posted: 8:41 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Valentines Day and Mother's Day are the worst for me. V Day especially because when I found out about the first A, I found pics she sent to her OM on Valentines day. Needless to say, I wasnt sent any. Irony is that I found out about A #2 just about 5 weeks ago. Just in time for Valentines day again. The day makes me sick to my stomach.
Married 17 yrs. Together 26
Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NJ
|Topic Posts: 74|