I would like to say that things are better but I think I would just be fooling myself. Tomorrow is my H's 41 birthday and I so want to be forgiving and enjoy the day with him, but Im just not sure that I can.
I have moved past the cheating part of it (one time about a year ago with a hooker) but I am not past the sexual addiction part of it. I can not understand the disease. He is getting help for it. We are seeing a marriage counslor, he is seeing a SA specialist and he is going to SA meetings once a week.
Just last week, he told me that porn was better than being with me. He didn't tell me this to be mean. He was trying to be honest with me. He was trying to help me to understand it. But it still stung like you wouldn't even believe.
Many days I feel like he is trying to get better, but then like today I feel like he wasn't doing anything extra to comfort me. I am so so so worried that he thinks that he has gotten by with it.
I am also starting to put the blame on myself, which I know is not healthy. When I tell him my feelings and I try to talk to him about it, he does tell me that it was nothing that I had done to cause it. That it is his problem.
He wants to move on from it so bad and wants it all to be over, HOWEVER he has had 10 months to forget about it. I have only had a month. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to keep moving forward and not getting stuck in one place. I don't know how to not concentrate on it.