(Adding after I typed all of this...sorry for the huge vent. I have still not told anyone IRL what is going on, and clearly it is eating me up inside.)
I can't believe a month has passed since I first discovered that my WH was chatting/speaking with the same OW his married brother was doing whatever with...nice, huh? This lead to the discovery that WH had a PA with another 5 years ago.
The emotional roller coaster has been insane. I detached for the first week, HB kicked in the next week after I confronted, and then more detachment since. I finally made him talk about it again tonight, as I feel like he has kept his secrets for so long that he is less affected. I on the other hand am just devastated and am having a hard time carrying on. I literally spent the whole weekend sleeping in bed, around kids activities of course. I have 3 children that I am trying to keep everything normal for, plus nursing school stress and I was so close to just running away from it all this weekend. Not a for real option, so I slept.
He seems very remorseful. He set up IC for himself almost immediately and has had NC, as far as I can tell. Problem being the more time goes on the more I question whether or not I can ever recover from this. Such a huge betrayal, not 1x but 2x. He claims nothing ever would have actually happened with OW#2 it was just talk. 1) As far as I am concerned the kind of talking they were doing was WRONG in itself, but 2) she offered to get a room (since she lived with her mother) for them. So, if time had gone on who knows...
I hate that this hurts so much. I hate that his family knows that she has an inappropriate relationship with his married brother and doesn't seem to care, as they are all still buddy-buddy with her. They do not know about her relationship with my WH, but at this point I doubt it would make a difference. Besides it's not like she has a BS, she just has another married man. Is it worth telling BIL? Seems like he gets what he deserves hooking up with her in the first place. I really want to make her life miserable though.
I also fight the urge to contact the PA OW. Being that it was so long ago I don't think it will have any impact, other than let her know that she no longer has this secret. WH says they never talked about me or the kids, except that she said she didn't want to be known as a homewrecker.
In the end he is the one that betrayed me and our family. He is the one that I hold most responsible. I know this...and so does he. Time will tell I guess.