"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Elaine2012 posted 2/18/2014 22:01 PM

I was at my support group last night there was a lawyer there to cover the legal ins and outs of divorce. As we talked there I shared where I think I'm at with my L. Listening to them has me really scared. I composed an email to my L with my concerns. I think it spells out what I'm up against. D an NPD is a nightmare. Any suggestions to make for clarification would be appreciated.

I have some serious concerns about about all the stuff he is throwing at me. Vocational evaluation, the subpoena of the mortgage company, the valuing of my retirement. One thing I'm wondering is where did he get the money to pay for all of these things? If his bank accounts are nominal then he shouldn't have had all this money to pay for all of these very expensive tactics. I am afraid that I'm going to be taken to the cleaners and not have a fair chance at making a case because I don't have the same resources he seems to have.

We on the other hand don't even seem to have a confirmation that his XXX Bank accounts were ever closed and when that happened. Are we moving to close to trial for these requests to make a difference? Are you prepared with the documents that you need to make a case for me? Is there a need to postpone my case? I understand that it would need to happen no later than Thursday which would be 2 weeks before trial.

As to the value of my retirement the amount they are projecting would be for continuous service until until I'm 65. Since I'm not going to be here until I'm 65 that value would not be correct.

Also the value of the motorcycle (2011 Road King Classic) should in (The 2011 Harley-Davidson Road King Classic is priced at $19,499 in black) include the add ons he has added. Such as pipes around 2000.00, which included sending them in to make them louder, an extra seat, 300.00, leather side bags 250.00, fancy speedometer, tail lights. All of these things have added value over the blue book on it. Harley Davidson's don't loose that much value over time that it is only worth 661.00! They in fact hold their value. He could go out and sell it for way more than 661.00 and since we don't know the payout I have no way of knowing what he could even get for it.

There is also my claim that I paid for all of the remodeling of the house. How will this be addressed in court? The amount I spent will out value the 8,000.00 claim he is trying to make. Do you know the results of the review of the mortgage company went? and how that is going to be used by opposing?

Am I to get a copy of the vocational evaluation or will I have to hear about the result in court? I'm working 5 jobs I'm not a being a deadbeat. I've worked hard over the years just because he doesn't want to pay me he is trying to make me appear as if I'm a not doing my part.

As temporary maintenance was never requested will that have set a precedent that I'm don't need it? I don't have a home and I don't have enough money to pay for an apartment.

I realize that I've taken my chances going to trial, however, as you told me "he hasn't come to the table with and offer". Also you saw how "well" mediation went. How do I negotiate with that?

There is also the sale of the house. It is not even close to being ready to list. It is dirty and lots of work that is started and then walked away from. He's had 19 months to have it ready for listing. And 25 years to do the other repairs that the Realtor suggested. None of which needs to be completed for sale. In May I wanted to list it as is. As it is it's still in the same condition as it was in May.

Reading this I feel like an idiot that I've just gone along believing that she has done what needs to happen to move this D to a conclusion.

ETA: I received an email on Friday asking for agreement on stipulations regarding value of some assets.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 10:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 2/18/2014 22:59 PM

You're two weeks away from trial and you don't have these answers? Oh my...

Elaine2012 posted 2/19/2014 22:04 PM

As it turns out my L has things under control.

I am on top of things.

and she addressed my concerns. I panicked due to my anxiety about trial looming so close. And dealing with D an NPD.

I find this interesting and felt like it was a little piece of good news for me. I really was mad that I had to participate in taking this. Turns out it might be in my favor.

Vocational Evaluation- STBX's L has not decided whether she will offer this as an exhibit, reference it, or even call the assessor to testify. That is her choice. I think it is interesting that he paid for this and apparently he isn’t too excited about the results. Otherwise "opposing" would jump at the chance for her to testify. STBX's L has not decided what to do with this.

I have to tell myself to keep breathing.