SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Notdaniel posted 2/19/2014 09:14 AM

The wife and I are going through the Reconciliation process.

My unique experience and question is this:

Because of my situation which was an affair that led to the pregnancy of the other woman, the wife and I are working through the NC. Initially we did the no texting, only phone calls related to child and/or emails to our shared email if it was about the baby. As my wife and I couldn't have anymore than one child are situation is more complex.

I sent an email to the OW inquiring about supplies as we approach the birth and she responded by texting a couple of small things. I showed my wife because it was a text. My wife responded by sending the OW a text saying that all texts should be sent to her and she will relay them to me.

I have read that working through a mediator is a good idea. And I have read that sometimes this works. I want to support our marriage but I am not sure if wife should be the relay person. The OW hasn't sent any texts or emails about feelings or our past but only about the pregnancy. I have no issue in keeping the NC to very limited contact as a child is involved, we all want to be at least cordial. How can I convey my ideas without making it seem like I want contact with OW when that isn't the case, nor do I want to invalidate how my wife feels...

ArkLaMiss posted 2/19/2014 09:21 AM

You need an attorney. Also, don't assume the child is automatically yours. Is the ow married? If so, it could be a child of the marriage. I would let an attorney guide you in what/when/how to do things regarding your sitch.

bionicgal posted 2/19/2014 09:40 AM

I would find it wholly unacceptable for my H to be communicating with the OW in any capacity, pregnant or not.

Get a lawyer, get a DNA test, and get a mediator. NC is NC.

There is also a forum here for people with OC from relationships, which may be of use to you.

sinsof thefather posted 2/19/2014 09:50 AM

If you and your wife have already agreed between you to have limited communication with OW because of the OC, and you all want to be 'cordial' - why would you not want your wife to be the relay person?

Notdaniel posted 2/19/2014 09:51 AM

There is also a forum here for people with OC from relationships, which may be of use to you

I just saw that. Thank you. I will head over there and start reading. Sorry I posted this in wrong place.

Thank you.