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My heart is shattered

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tigerlsu posted 2/19/2014 11:37 AM

I found out just a month ago that my husband has been cheating on me with a woman that he works with. I never in a million years thought that this would happen to us. We have been together for 17 years and married for 15. We have 4 children. I work my butt of for him he does nothing! Now I am supposed to go back to being the sweet wife who sacrificed everthing to make his dreams come true? He said he wants me to go back to being the sweet wife he knew and can I do that! How do you rebuild a life with no trust or respect! I gave him everything and he just shattered my heart and took me for granted! I don't know how to move on! I don't know how to stop hurting! I knew something was wrong I had a bad feeling when I was around the other woman, but I trusted him and he made it seem that I was being envious of her and told me there was nothing to worry about.... I backed off and just hoped for the best. I prayed that he wasn't doing what I thought he was doing. He told me over the phone. He was out of town and he knew that I would have 4 days to calm down...coward!
I cut my wedding rings in half and burned our marriage license. He go so mad and said that my actions wern't justified! He broke our vows made before God and I am not justified??
I am tired of being hurt and angry, but the more time that goes by, the more I find out and the harder it is to move on! Do I stay for the sake of my kids? Is that the only reason I have to stay? Yes! Is that enough, I don't even know right now!
Shattered into millions of pieces!

Breezy150 posted 2/19/2014 11:48 AM

Start reading the healing library, other people will give some more in depth advice, as I am still new here too.
The most important thing is that you did not deserve this, it is not your fault, and please try to take care if yourself, eating, drinking, sleeping as well as you can. (((Hugs)))

StillLivin posted 2/19/2014 12:04 PM

He said he wants me to go back to being the sweet wife he knew and loved....

He wants you to rugsweep.
Follow Breezy150's advice and start reading the BS Facts, especially the 180.
What is he doing to help you heal? I don't mean what is he saying, what is he "doing"?
What do you need to heal?

Merlin posted 2/19/2014 12:15 PM


There is no "going back". And there is a terrible and often lonely road in front of you. At this moment, you may not believe this, but you have the strength to walk that road.

You found a great place to begin to 'process' this horrible thing called infidelity. There are great resources in the 'Healing Library' and some of the best people I have ever found to listen to you and lend open hearts and a hand to you as you go.

Aceofbase posted 2/19/2014 12:33 PM

You have to be strong and that starts with the 180. Being needy will not help. You are strong enough. Believe it.

4everfaithful83 posted 2/19/2014 13:07 PM

Just sending you some strength!

Sorry you are here. The SI family will help you get through this awful time. Everyone on here is super nice and we are all going through, or have survived what you are going through.

Don't make any rash decisions right now, as your emotions are probably on overload.

Read the healing library and come here often for support.

Practice the 180!

norabird posted 2/19/2014 14:24 PM

Sending you hugs!

Your husband is not remorseful--he is anxious to forget, move on, pretend nothing happened. He is minimizing both his betrayal and your valid reaction by doing that and avoids addressing why he sought out this external validation in the first place.

If he won't talk about this openly with you, it's a dealbreaker IMO.

BrooklynLove posted 2/19/2014 14:41 PM

You can save your marriage if you don't rug sweep his affair. Expose this affair without warning to the OW's BH, family and to family and friends that will support you. How long has this affair been going on? He needs to be NC with her and monitor him very closely. Cheaters lie and will minimize everything .

ploddingon posted 2/19/2014 20:06 PM

After lying to me for years I finally caught my husband out, kicked him out and he claims I was unfair! What the hell is wrong with these men?

tigerlsu posted 2/19/2014 20:13 PM

where do i find 180?

I just kicked him out, he is staying with a friend now. I just hope it's not his "special friend"! I am not makeing any quick decisions, but I need space from him so I can breathe! I will make it without him! He is the one that has always needed me, not the other way around. Maybe I wasn't needy enough for him!

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