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Bomb Drop and possible Mid life crisis - at 62

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Tosca posted 2/19/2014 12:49 PM

Hello everyone,

I am new here and was wanting to seek some support and encouragement re my situation......I am hoping that I have come to the right place.

Nearly 7 weeks ago - New Years Eve, my partner of nearly three years emailed me (without ANY warning) whilst my daughter (12) and I were overseas (visiting my grandfather who is terminally ill) that he was ending our relationship. He said that he was depressed and that I was the cause of his depression. He said that he wanted 2014 to be a year of rejuvenation and new beginnings at that meant that doors must close. He said that he felt a lot of worry and pressure and for his own peace of mind he needed to end our relationship. He also said that he only wanted me to contact him by email with any response as he dopes not want any verbal or emotional pressure.
I went into total and ABSOLUTE shock
background - He is 62 - I am divorced - have sole custody of D12 and we have been living with him for just over 2 years. We have been happy but over the last 12 ,months he has been withdrawing emotionally, sex life has dwindled etc etc.
When we returned from visiting our family we were without any where to live - luckily I have found an apartment for D and myself and moved our belongings out of the house nearly 3 weeks ago.
It was while I was moving my things that I found evidence of the fact that he has been having an affair with one of his singing students (mature aged - she is 50, married with 4 children) and literally while D and I were flying back he was in a seedy hotel with her.
I have not seem him or spoken to him since Xmas day 2013.
He has spewed anger and resentment at me but has now been silent since D and I last moved our belongings.
I am devastated - the man I loved and trusted - has cheated on my in such an inhumane way. He has lied and been covert.
I am struggling to make sense of all of this.
He is suddenly caught up with diet, working out, popping nutrition tablets etc etc. He is also doing yoga (OW is a yoga teacher)...
Any advice? Am happy to provide more info if needed!
Many thanks
T x

[This message edited by Tosca at 12:50 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

Breezy150 posted 2/19/2014 12:58 PM

I don't really have any advice, but I want you to understand that this is not your fault. You didn't do it, he did. Do not allow him to blame throw at you. Take care of yourself and your D. It is hard to take care of yourself when you are in shock, but do the very best you can.

BrooklynLove posted 2/19/2014 13:02 PM

You need to expose this OW/MOW to her BH and family immediately. Do not warn your WS, just expose her fast. This will stop the affair and expose their disgusting behavior. Make sure you speak directly to her husband and expose her and you can Facebook her family and message them.

Tosca posted 2/19/2014 13:06 PM

Thanks everyone-
I suspect that she may have left her husband already although I am not sure...
I know from am mutual friend that she (the OW) has been unhappy in her marriage for quite some time and was looking for something. I guess that was my partner.
As WAP and I are now in no contact I am unsure what to do to be honest......
Am lost at the moment and in survival mode trying to protect myself and D....
In any case he is silent - no interest in where we are or how we are - which I suspect speaks volumes..
My number one goal at the moment is to try and heal..

norabird posted 2/19/2014 14:35 PM


I used to think age came with maturity--guess I was naive. I can't imagine treating anyone as he has treated you. I am sure it hurts but I hope you are angry about it! You seem to be handling amazingly well and your D is lucky to have you as her mom.

I know it's hard amidst the pain but you are well rid of a man who would behave in this way. He is a selfish, immature, entitled, blind, self-justifying jerk who probably wouldn't know real love if it slapped him in the face.

Keep strong being out of touch with him, put him out of mind as much as you can, and focus on the next chapter in your life. You deserve so much better than this and I wish your peace as you recover and start walking your new path. I really think he is not worth a single second more of your time. He's shown not just that it's over but that he never deserved you.

norabird posted 2/19/2014 14:35 PM

oops double post! Here's another hug (((& strength)))

[This message edited by norabird at 2:35 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

lastdance posted 2/22/2014 17:13 PM

omg,i feel so bad for you--what a heartless man----do yourself a favor and disappear from this man----no contact-----change phone number--e-mail----stay away from him ----there is no forgiving what he did----how could he have done this to you--it was too cruel----but you hold your head up and proudly walk away from his radar----he has serious problems----cut communication with those that have communication with him-----he is cruel---he does not have to explain anything ,he already told you all with his actions-----he betrayed you and you daughter---he never gave you the respect to have a saying ----you did not count---he was obviously in the relationship all by himself----you were not there!!!!!!!!!lol------run from him as fast as you can

cliffside posted 2/22/2014 17:58 PM

Honestly, I would be thankful that he's gone. Your daughter doesn't need exposure to this guy. But I would find out who the other husband is and tell him. He deserves to know and it will make your husbands yoga class a little more uncomfortable

LearningToRun posted 2/23/2014 15:27 PM

I've heard infatuation has about a 3 year cycle.

My ex had it. His love for me or someone would last about 3 years- then he was bored and looking for something new and shiny.

Consider he did you a favor,seriously. So glad you found a place to live. What an absolute jerk move on his part

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